They want to be "House-Goats"

So Honorable Son No.1 has a milk goat, and the Wife has the two kids.  Well, the Wife enjoys the goats grazing the yard in the evenings(goats eat the weeds)and the goats also play with the children after dinner(socialization).  So, she would let them out of the goat-pen and into the yard just before dinner and have the children put them back into the barnyard just before baths.  The children had gotten a little lazy, and casually forgotten to put the goats into the barnyard a couple of evenings...which turned into a week.  The goats, being goats, found unique places to bed down for the night.  The Kubota RTV, on top the pallets by the feed bins, and finally the deck on the house.  On the deck they could look into the house through the windows in the dining room and the patio door in the living room.  They saw all the fun the people were having and the food on the table...they made a decision...they wanted to be "house-goats".  The goats, now when they were out in the yard, began haunting the back door...that is how people got in and out.  They felt they should be allowed in and out of the house as well.  The Wife didn't think that "house-goats" were a good idea...though all the children voted to let them in, Dear Farmer used his veto-power and sided with the Wife(smart Farmer).  The goats are now being penned in the evenings and bed down back in the barnyard.  However, when let out, they still believe that they should be allowed in the house.

Great Joke!

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna and a pot of glue?

you can tuna'piano, but you can't piano a tune.

What's with the pot of glue?

thought you'd get stuck with that one!

Heard this from Honorable Son No.1, who heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend.  There's a lot of days when we're just so tired from working, we forget to laugh.  Laughter, however, is needed in the Wife's life.  If the Wife doesn't laugh, she gets really cranky...and that doesn't make for a happy family.
So when Honorable Son No.1 called the Wife with this joke, well...it needed to be shared!  Laugh with the Wife!  The dishes will be easier to wash, the children will seem happier, and the laundry will still need to be washed. On the farm the jobs seem endless, it's good to laugh endlessly as well.

When the GPS doesn't take you to your destination...

Had a couple of out-of-town friends coming to visit today.  They had never been to the farm before-we've always met up with them at other locations(church, birthday parties, conferences).  This time they were in the area and coming to our farmhome!  We were excited, even cleaned the house for the occasion!  Dear Farmer was on the phone with them and willing to give directions, "No", they said, "Just give us your address and we'll use the GPS."  In the country, the GPS doesn't always work.  Many times I believe the programmers just think "it's a gravel road/small town why put those in?" Well, people do still live wa-a-ay out in the middle of no-where...so it might have come in handy.  Anyhow, the company didn't arrive.  And didn't arrive.  And just when Dear Farmer and the Wife were contemplating how lost they probably were...there was a phone call.  The company wasn't just lost, they had landed in the next state!  ( I had to put that in bold for the effect of the story...really, our farm is on the stateline, they weren't too far away.) They had plugged in our address, but incorrectly-driving past our house...and far down the road...before realizing they were totally in the wrong place.  The GPS was telling them to keep going, but they knew they should turn around.
Now some of you may say, it was the fault of the person who was programming the coordinates, not the GPS...and some of you may say it was the fault of the GPS because it didn't recognize the coordinates that were programmed in didn't exist.  Either way, the company did arrive.  But too late to visit more than a couple moments before their next appointment. (BUMMER)
Dear Farmer did look like a very un-happy little farmer-boy...but he will get to visit with them another time. {Sigh} The house needed to be cleaned anyways.

Flat Tires...ugh!

A flat tire on a car during road travel is a real inconvenience.  A flat tire on a tractor is a real hassle.  A flat tire on your hay mower-is devastating. Dear Farmer got a flat tire on his hay mower yesterday...
It was the phone call in the middle of the afternoon that alerted the Wife to a difficulty in his workday.  It started with a man on the other end of the phone that sounded really tired...it ended with a "can you pick me up?"  Both Dear Farmer and Wife had a little drag in their step for the rest of the day.  This was not a good day to be put a day behind...the sun was shining, it was a good day for mowing. Dear Farmer had to do other things-basically there is no lack in things to do!
Not people to drag long, it was a pick-me up when Dear Farmer was able to invite a fellow-farmer over for dinner("So, I got a flat tire today, want to come for grilled pork chops?")  see: country hospitality:example B . The next day the tire was fixed, and back on the mower...and it rained.  Now rain...that's a whole 'nother monster!

Country Hospitality: Example D

"When you're here, you're family."  
I don't remember what that phrase is from(probably a commercial), but it's true around here.  Country-folk need to stick together, they rely on each-other to weather storms and thrive, this is how families used to operate as a general rule.
Dear Farmer has had no problem with making people feel like family-he's just himself.  Dear Farmer is nothing intimidating...he's a Teddy Bear-personality.  Cute, cuddly, and large enough there's no doubt he's in control.  People love to be welcomed by a big hug and Dear Farmer's stories of life. Just be ready to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly, because there's no skeletons hiding in closets around here!
Country hospitality dictates that when it comes to family, you need not conform, but be willing to be yourself and be loved for it.  And most importantly, remember:  family takes care of each-other!

The Raccoon in the Meat-Chickens

There's no formula for eliminating predators in your chickens, unfortunately.  There is the "best guess" of what predator it may be, but even that is a process of elimination, not even a sure thing.
Dear Farmer had the meat-birds taken to butcher...we were supposed to have five hundred of them, the count was two hundred.  Far off from the five hundred mark, we knew something had been getting into the pen and having a bunch of healthy meals.
First the mobile pens were moved over by the farmhouse and the herd, to be nearer to people and cattle would be a deterrent for predators, that was a two-day process.  Next, the netting walls of the pens were gone over with a fine tooth comb, holes were found and fixed.  Finally, the traps were made for weasels, traps were set for raccoon, and the Pied Piper of the Farm-boy Trio stalked the pens with his bow and arrow for fox.  We did not catch weasel.  Sadly, the Pied Piper did not catch a fox.  But there was, in the trap, a raccoon!
At the noon-meal there was discussion over how to tan a pelt with the fur on, and how many pelts it takes to make a hat, and the Pied Piper wanted to know if a raccoon-foot could be lucky.  The general consensus was: the foot is lucky, until it gets caught.
No more predators in the chickens, thankfully!  We seem to have it back under control.

Dear Farmer takes a day off

During hay season there can be rain...most of the time rain is a reason to fix equipment.  Every so often, rarely, it's a reason to take a day off.  A day off???  What's that???  Dear Farmer, after twenty-one days of straight working, was sent on a day off.  No man, is meant to work non-stop.  And if they do, they tend to become a person no man wants to be around.  So, we (the family) sent Dear Farmer on a day off to Fabulous Aunt and Uncle's house.  There they loved on him and gave him his favorite drink (Dr.Pepper), gave him posh-treatment (they have a whirlpool), and pampered him with the food (bacon).  He sat, he walked, he talked, he shopped, he fixed, and he was rejuvenated!  Dear Farmer came home a happier rested farmer, able to cope with the life he lives.
Everyone needs a day off...a rest...we are so grateful Dear Farmer has a place where he can go to do so.
Thank you Fabulous Aunt and Uncle!

"Besquitoes": a cautionary tale

It's the time of year when our black raspberry bushes are in full production, and the Wife and the Farm-boy Trio go out every day and pick berries for a bit.  We can really only stay outside picking for a couple of minutes before we get eaten alive by "Besquitoes".  Do you know what those are?  The Pied Piper of the Trio tells us they are: "blood sucking female insects who want to EAT ME!"  No love loss here when a "Besquitoe" is sqwished.
Because we go out every day and pick for just a little bit, the harvest has been just a little bit, as well.  It's a little disheartening (actually) when the Trio goes out into the woods and returns with nothing in their containers and purple mustaches and beards.
Finally, the Wife had enough.  There's nothing being frozen for winter!!!  She cannot stand by, she hands the children over to the eldest Farmer's Daughter, gives instructions for lunch, outfits herself in blue jeans, cowboy boots and a rain slicker---off she goes into the woods, berry picking.  This has now become serious business.
About ten minutes into picking berries the Wife is pleased.  Gleaning is going well, at this rate, the harvest will be plentiful.  Twenty minutes goes by, the "Besquitoes" begin to get a little pesky.  Thirty minutes: thank goodness the Wife did put on the rain slicker, the "Besquitoes" are biting her through her jeans, but they cannot penetrate the slicker.  Forty minutes: a berry bush must have at least twenty very large and bursting ripe berries for the Wife to even think of going in there to pick them.  Fifty minutes: There's a humming sound out in the woods!  A very steady humming sound.  What is it???  It's the "Besquitoes", they are following her!  One hour: the "Bequitoes" are following her, they are biting her fingers, and the rain slicker is getting very hot.  Ouch!  They bit her between the eyes!  That's it!  Is this worth it?  The Wife begins to head home. Returning home after and hour and a half of picking berries, she has a little over four cups of berries in her bucket and is met by the Farm-Boy Trio.  They ask, "Did you bring back berries?  How did it go?  Can I have one?"
"NO!", the Wife says,"I had to fight the "Besquitoes" for these berries!  Don't touch them!  We are going to freeze them and never, ever, eat them!  They are only for special occasions.  And when we do eat them, it will only be one per person!"
Late at night, when the Farm-boy Trio cannot sleep...the Wife will tell them the story of the "Besquitoes" and how they guard the black raspberries so jealously that even fair maidens are leery of the desiring fruit.

Country Hospitality: Example C

If you ever think you're just going to drop by for a quick, "howdy!" You were wrong.  Dear Farmer has educated the Wife that Country Hospitality dictates a moment of visitation. The Wife has learned, the visitation usually comes over a cup of coffee.
It's a cup of coffee.  Sounds really simple, doesn't it? You brew the coffee yourself and an extra cup or two, just in case the neighbor drops in.
Anything can be said over a cup of coffee and no judgement is given.  Problems can be worked out and solved over a cup of coffee.  Children grow up over cups of coffee, the future is planned over cups of coffee.
How simple.  There's no need for weekend retreats, therapists, or prescription medication. Just plan on an hour long "howdy!" and a cup of coffee.

Comfortable

There is a blonde joke:

Two sisters each had a farm, one blonde, one brunette.
The brunette sister was using the blonde sister's bull.
His job was done, and she needed him gone.
The brunette sister only had enough money to send a one word telegram, thinking it out she decided to send this word "Comfortable".
Confused how the sister was going to understand what she needed to do from just this one word, the telegraph operator asked..."Why will she pick up her bull from that?"
The brunette sister replied, "She will need to sound out the long word slowly...Comm-forr-t-bull"

Don't get down on us for telling the joke, we're all blonde here, and it's a great lead in to what we just did...
We picked up a new bulls this week!  Currently we have two bulls, but a lot of cows.  Actually more cows than just two bulls can handle.  We needed a third bull and some new bloodlines.  We have a great friend down south who has great bulls.  He sold us two of his!
So, Dear Farmer and the Wife packed up the four youngest to ride in the truck with them to go down south and pick up the bulls. The trip took two days of driving and one overnight at a cousin's house.  Six of us riding in one truck for a total of eleven hours is really NOT comfortable, but it was fun!  The young children loved the adventure and the visiting with cousins!  The older children enjoyed the young children and parents being gone for a couple of days.  Peace and calm...then the chaos of life began new and fresh again!