Dear Farmer is used to this phone call...but not this ending.

"The cows are out!"
If I had a dollar for every time Dear Farmer got that phone call...I'd have thousands of dollars! And rain, snow, or shine.  During hay, startled awake, or driving...Dear Farmer drops everything and goes to call the "ladies" back to the fields of safety.
"The cows are out!"
At 10 pm when he just falls asleep.  At 4 in the morning.  While we're on a date.  When we're sitting down to dinner.
"The cows are out!"
Absolutely the worst time to hear that is when we're out of town....which is what happened this weekend.

Dear Farmer and the Wife attended the MOSES Conference.  It's the largest midwest organics conference, and the place where Dear Farmer isn't alone.  ALL the farmers have the same lifestyle.  ALL the farmers are in the same boat, doing the same paperwork, and needing some "atta-boy"-time.  This conference is that refreshment for all those farmers.  And the Wife?  Really, she was just along for the ride.  She went to the conference, heard the speakers, and came out patting Dear Farmer on the back("Look, Dear, you're not alone.").
After a wonderful weekend, on the trek home, we got the phone call.
"Pop! The cows are out!"
sigh.
(then the rest..)"Don't worry, Pop.  We got them back in ourselves.  Drive Safe!"

Wow!  What a blessing to have a family that knows how to do what you do!  A family that can pitch-hit without you, and appreciates you all the more.
Makes you feel like you did things well...makes Dear Farmer feel a tingly and happy inside.

#MOSES2016

The Movement We Never Abandoned

When Dear Farmer and the Wife married, their first home was a less than five-hundred square foot remodeled chicken coop.  It was a house with no doors.  A great and wonderful thing for Dear Farmer and the Wife while they were newly weds.  Issues had to be dealt with face to face.  Neither would run away, neither would back down, neither would give up their bed.  Problems were fixed by the next morning.
After child number three was born they listened to the advice of the ages...get a bigger house.  So they did. They actually doubled the square footage and purchased a house nearly 1000 sq.ft.
After children 8 & 9 were born they had to move for the farm...the house was triple the size of the house they came from.  The Wife nearly had a mental breakdown!  So much house!!!  Dear Farmer and the Wife have been overwhelmed by the amount of house, the amount of stuff, the amount of space.  They have an entire room just for a table and chairs!  Well, actually...it's two tables and chairs the room holds...and a buffet, and corner hutch, and coffee bar....and there's still room!
Dear Farmer and the Wife reminisce about those good old days...in the chicken coop.  Sure it was a squeeze, but it was the happiest squeezing ever.  The Wife made Dear Farmer promise to build her a chicken coop to move onto Honorable Son No.1's "someday" farm.  Dear Farmer promised he would.
There is a movement of people who are tired of stuff, tired of waste, tired of debt.  They are moving into "Tiny Houses".  We didn't know twenty years ago that our lifestyle would be "trendy".  Though we live in a house that is far too big (by 1950's standards) for our family (there are only nine children left at home presently), our hearts are in the tiny house.
Recently Dear Farmer decided we weren't going to be replacing the tent that we've had for twelve years. The tent served us well for many family campouts..."It's just not worth replacing.", he said.
We've talked of buying an RV?...a pop-up?...maybe just a trailer with bunks built in?  Then Dear Farmer had a "lightbulb" moment!  The Wife's tiny house!!!!  He's building the Wife a tiny house...a bunk-house, if you will.  It will be mobile, able to be trailer-ed from location to location, but with electricity and real mattresses!  And real walls! And real windows!  And real doors!  Dear Farmer's winterizing it, and seriously talking of A/C(which the Wife has yet to be convinced of).
How exciting!  To be able to share a love of small spaces and rustic living with our children!  The Wife doesn't have to wait until she's a Grandma...she gets to do it now!
Looking forward to sharing the tiny adventures with you!

The Farmer's Daughters Are In Charge!

Dear Farmer had to leave the farm for a night.  It meant he wouldn't be home to do evening, morning, or afternoon chores.  He had to leave the Farmer's Daughter in charge of the chores.
The Farmer's Daughter was excited! Dear Farmer was leaving as the weather was warming up to a balmy 40F!!!  Chores are actually a whole lot more fun when the weather is warm and sunshiny.
Dear Farmer left the HausFrau Farmer's Daughter in charge of the kitchen.  Armed with four pounds of butter the HausFrau Farmer's Daughter had the "okay" to make anything she wanted!!!  Kitchen work is actually a whole lot more fun when the ingredients you want are being provided for you.
Dear Farmer left with the WhizBang!Farmer's Daughter.  She would be in charge of keeping him awake while he was driving, and entertainment while on the road.  She's very excited to have Dear Farmer all to herself for a full 24 hours.
There will be a day when the littlest Farmer's Daughters will be in charge...but that's not yet.  They are busy dancing like princesses and cuddling dollies.
Dear Farmer is just pleased to be able to hand over responsibility to these three daughters and know everything will be done just how it should be.

Preparing for Fabulous Uncle and Aunt To Come Into Town...

Checklist in preparation for Fabulous Uncle and Aunt's visit...

• clean Dear Farmer and Wife's bedroom with a black trash bag.
• vacuum bedroom and vent grates.
• remove cobwebs that have been turning hallway, stairwell, light fixtures into "haunted house" look.(Because if I leave them there small children will be scared to get out of bed and come to mine.  Well, it was worth a shot.)
• clean stairs(Smallest Farmer's Daughter painted them with nail polish.  She's a very abstract artist.)
• repaint stairwell and hallway(would you look at that, she didn't keep it to just the stairs...and nail polish remover removes paint.  Learn something new every day.)
•  Get the laundry under control...it's over flowing into the hallway.
• Change the bed-sheets.
• Make breakfasts to pull out in mornings(Who wants to cook in the morning?)
• Lecture children on manners.
• Remind children to load dishes into dishwasher as soon as they are done eating(So Fabulous Aunt doesn't spend the whole visit washing dishes by hand.)
• Plan out meals.  Really easy, child friendly meals.
• Make sure everyone knows their chores and jobs for the week.  
• Lecture children on not arguing with chores and jobs.
• Set out towels, washcloths, and soap for Fabulous Uncle and Aunt.
• Write note reminding them not to leave out soap or children might use it to make the slide "go faster!".
• Lecture children about not using soap to make the slide "go faster!"
• Pray the mud dries or freezes before Fabulous Uncle and Aunt get here!
• Be the first one to get hugs from Fabulous Uncle and Aunt!!!

Don't Use The Door Today!

The wind actually dictates what Dear Farmer does some days.  Today the temperature is warmer than usual which means Dear Farmer has been planning a whole bunch of "to-do"s that he hadn't been able to do during the freezing temps.  However, when he awoke this morning, he heard the wind.  Blowing at a constant
16 mph and with gusts up to 50 mph, it's going to be a "rather blustery day today".
This means there will be no:

• moving of hay in the fields 
• high limb-cutting work 
• climbing on the feed bins 
• placing of tarps  

The last time we had a blustery day Dear Farmer chose to work indoors fixing machinery.  That was a good idea.  The only hitch with the plan was getting in and out of the machine shed.  The service door is at such an angle that the wind glues the door shut.  In order to get out one must pull the door open with all one's might! Then hold the door open, skootch the body around to the outdoors, and then move out of the way quickly as the wind will catch the door and suck it back shut with a resounding "THWAK!".
The in and out plan was to work well as there would be few ins and outs.  But the first time the plan was in action...things did not go well.  Dear Farmer's hand did not move away from the inside edge of the door fast enough and the door slammed shut on Dear Farmer's index finger.  This is where we all say "ouch!".
This was not just a finger slammed in a door.
This was a finger crushed by a heavy metal service door at ??mph.  Dear Farmer knew this was not going to be good.
It took Dear Farmer a good couple minutes to pry the door open again and dislodge his finger from the doorway.  I won't continue to describe the feeling of blood oozing from inside his gloved hand, or the squishy feeling of a finger that isn't supposed to be squishy...Dear Farmer rushed inside the house yelling for the Wife.  We didn't remove the glove from the hand, but did rush to the ER.
Dear Farmer stayed conscious during the duration of the x-rays, shots, and sewing of the mangled digit.  He passed out after the adrenaline rush was gone.
The result of the door's violent attack is an index finger shorter than the rest.  An index finger that doesn't have the feeling that the rest of his fingers have.
And so we add to the list of things that cannot be done on a windy day:

• no using of doors.

I Bought My Love a Flock of Chickens and Ducks

So, you may have gotten the idea that around here gift giving is pretty practical.

Examples:
Birthday - Dear Farmer built a bed for the Wife
Anniversary - Dear Farmer and Wife give eachother goats
Birthday - The Wife gives Dear Farmer fence supplies
Christmas - The Parents give the children "bus tubs" for cleaning the dining room/kitchen

Yeah...it looks pretty bare bones around here....
ANYHOW... for Dear Farmer's upcoming birthday (June) this year, the Wife told him she'd like to buy him a flock of chickens and ducks.  The Wife has to give Dear Farmer this gift now, because he has to place his order to the hatchery so that the flock can be delivered by mid-spring...and then be able to be enjoyed by June.
The Wife told Dear Farmer he could choose what-ever he wanted...like a kid in a candy story, Dear Farmer's eyes widened and he started jumping up and down!  His very own flock!
He has been working hard pouring over the hatchery catalog, researching and pricing.  He's still undecided on everything he wants...but he's pretty set on laying chickens and a "straight run" of ducks.  (A "straight run" means that the hatchery just sends you little guys without looking for male or female parts.)
We've learned that ducks do a great job eating ticks, so the more ducks we have, the less ticks we have. Dear Farmer's theory is "Let those boys feast all year, and then we'll eat them!"
For the laying chickens Dear Farmer wants just female...obviously, THOSE are the ones that lay eggs...but a colorful flock, and no broody hens.
He's having fun with his birthday gift preparations...and the Wife is looking forward to all those eggs!
What other Wife can say, "I bought my love a flock of various foul for his birthday!"???
Anyone else?

The Thrill of Discovery!

Winter is a gigantic treasure hunt on the farm.  Things that were supposed to be put away the night before are covered by a white blanket of snow in the morning. Chickens are hiding in the hay bales to stay warm. Goats are burying themselves under hay to stay warm.  Dogs are burrowing bones and toys to keep away from chickens and goats who might want them.
Often through the day we use these opportunities to be treasure seekers. Sending the Farm-boy Trio to find the shovels...was it really an accident they were left out?  Perhaps they were hoping that the snow would make the shovels melt-away?  That glove that the HausFrau Farmer's Daughter let the puppy hold...he's now burrowed it away to insure she returns with him later.
But the absolutely most wonderful discovery is the EGGS!
As the cold gets colder our independent chickens like to hide their eggs, if they lay one. So eggs become like "gold".  There are many things that we simply won't make in the winter due to lack of eggs.  Eggs for breakfast is the first to go...Eggs in recipes are counted.  Happy are the days that we find more than four eggs!  Exciting are the days that we can have a full dozen in the fridge!
We talk about the days of having eggs as though they were years ago, with wars and children between them. Really...it was a short two months ago...
It is something that we look forward to returning to...the day we find TWO DOZEN EGGS!

The Goats are Messing Up the Barn

Dear Farmer is in the midst of a frustrating situation.  The Goats are being goats.
They are climbing his hay like mountains and while doing so, they are making a mess of the hay.
The Goats are jumping and romping up the steep cliffs of the bales as though it were nothing.  They bounce around like they have anti-gravity-hooves.  They are healthy, happy, and energized Goats.
Gone are the days of Dear Farmer having the barn all to himself, the hay remaining neatly stacked until he fed it...the Goats are terrorizing his solitude.  The Goats seem to have no concern for the neatness in the hay bales.
 Dear Farmer is aghast!
He comes inside at night shaking his head and moaning..."my hay.  they are wrecking my hay bales..."
The Wife looks at Dear Farmer.
She has two children hanging on either leg, snotty smiles and giggles.  She is holding a baby who needs a diaper change(again).  The living room is covered in legos and children. An art project is strewn out on the table with more children.  There is lots of activity inside the house.  Yelling, laughing, thumping activity. Happy and healthy, energized children.
The Wife offers to Dear Farmer, "I'll send the children out to the barn to help you clean up from the Goats."
 Dear Farmer actually looks around, at the Wife, at the house, at the children.
"No...I'll go clean it up later." , he says.
And Dear Farmer goes back out to his barn...and the Goats.  It's really not that bad of a mess down at the barn.

Dear Farmer is Getting New Glasses...or... The Family is Laughing Uncontrollably...

Dear Farmer, after not being able to read the small television screen, having to find the "sweet spot" while reading books, and his glasses breaking beyond repair...finally consented to going to the eye doctor.
The last eye appointment he had was three years ago.  Why doesn't he go every year?  Well, he doesn't like to spend the money...and they always prescribe him new lenses.  Hmmmm...being a farmer that NEEDS glasses to see...well,moving on...
So the Wife made Dear Farmer an appointment and sent him on his way.
Dear Farmer was impressed with the new technology the doctor had!  The doctor took a picture of his eyeball, and was very impressed with his healthy eyeballs!  Then he did the actual exam...
The doctor flashed up the first card...Dear Farmer squinted and squeezed, but he read the card.
The doctor told Dear Farmer,"Don't try so hard.  Just glance and read."
The doctor flashed the next card...Dear Farmer didn't squint or squeeze. Dear Farmer glanced up and read,"E, T, G, B, A."
The doctor's response: "You can't see it.  Those were numbers."
(Insert family rolling with laughter!!!)
The doctor asked Dear Farmer about farming, and fencing, and picked his brain on sheep pastures. The chatter softened the blow of reality...
Dear Farmer has a wonderful healthy eyeball that needs glasses...he now needs bi-focal glasses.
The glasses will cost more than before, but he'll see better than he used to! Once he gets used to those new-fangled progressive lenses.

So you want to be a farmer? The Reality of Being Organic and Sustainable

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it comes dressed in overalls and looks like work."
-Thomas Edison

If you thought that recycling made you sustainable and organic meant that you didn't use deodorant, then we're a shocker for you.  We take that to a whole new level!!!(Yes, we do use odor protection.)
Sustainable means we put up enough hay in the summer to feed the herd in the winter, and we're planning on growing the grass again next year. So we mow it when it goes to seed-head.  It's not a nice lawn look all year.  Sometimes during the summer it may look quite shaggy-depending on rainfall.
It means when there's an apple tree in the field, we pick it and sauce it so we have food in the winter. We don't complain the apples are the size of your thumb. Sometimes sustainability can take on the same look as common-sense...a chicken gets used four different ways. First as a vet for the cows as it cleans the pasture, next as an egg layer, third as a stew bird for dinner, and lastly as chicken broth preserved for later. We use the sun and air we breathe to dry our clothes, for light during the day and that "fresh air" smell on our sheets.
Everything that's sustainable is hard work, there's no skating by.  Burning wood for heat means cutting the wood, splitting the wood, and stacking the wood-sometimes in the coldest day of the winter.
But it's so worth it!
Organic means we don't use anything God didn't create for fertilizer, animals, and food.  We use our own animals to fertilize the pastures, then give them a dose of watered down compost for good measure.  We don't breed animals to have the biggest body-parts for show or production, we take them as God made them and use them right. That's why our goats have horns, cats have claws, and chickens have bone and skin!  We let the animals eat the grass, the apples, the leaves, the herbs-and we don't peel back an ear of corn for them.  This is the way God meant it to be.
Before you think this is all daisies and roses, can I be quite frank?  Because of this life we live...there are things you may want to consider...wear mud boots(real ones, not fashionable ones) to get to the door. There's chicken poop everywhere.  Why? They have wings, they fly any where they want to.  That means to the house, not just in the barnyard.
There's a goat who will greet you at the car door, and will gladly display for you how she can urinate on your foot and poop all the way to the front door of the house.
The cats like to leave "gifts" everywhere.  Dead mice, voles, ground squirrels, chipmunks...
Be prepared for dirt.  The windows are open in the house and it coats the furniture...really, I dusted it off six times today from the dark wood piano!  The dirt covers feet, shoes, clothes, and gets under nails.  It sticks to the cobwebs created overnight, and onto the faucets where children were washing it off.  It doesn't matter how we attempt to get rid of it, it comes back. A magazine cover will never show the reality of farm life dirt.
The mess. There's a plethora of misc. tools, equipment, toys, and vehicles that don't run. The reality is, we're busy staying alive, there'll be a time to make it all clean(when the dumpster is here), but right now isn't that time.  So, if you're OCD(which I find I am) take a deep breathe and close your eyes as you walk past it. The mess won't change the taste of dinner, and it also won't make the photo shoot for the magazine cover(thankfully).  So just move on. Lastly, prepare yourself for a new brand of sweat.  I promise, we do use odor protection, but it doesn't help the amount of sweat we produce.  It doesn't matter what time of year it is, there's hard physical work we're doing.  Whether it's under the hot sun or bundled in the dead of winter-people around here are sweating!  No need for aerobics class, we pitchfork hay around for hours. Snow-shoeing and cross country skiing are means for checking the fence lines.  Walking miles is a form of transportation, not relaxation. And when you see people standing around this kitchen with dripping hair or frozen hair and wet shirts and socks, covered head to toe in dirt and poop-laughing about the day they just had...know that they've accomplished the "Organic" label that went on that product in the store. AND LIFE IS GOOD!

The Chickens Are Coming! The Chickens Are Coming!

Farm Rule #100: It's going to be a warm day when: the chickens come up to the house!

At 7am the Wife sighted the first chicken up on the deck.  She knew this meant it would be a warm day...

She turned off the furnace and turned on the blowers.

She doubled up wood inside the house so we could get the woodstove piping hot and (hopefully) open windows to get fresh air.

Then she smiled and told Dear Farmer that she was glad that spring is on it's way!

 Dear Farmer broke the news to the Wife that the temperature is only to be at 38F today.  38F!!!!  That's just above freezing! 

But...but...but...the chickens are at the house!  That means it's going to be a warm day...is 38F warm?

...maybe it there will be sunshine....

The Farm-Boys Cut Wood

Today was one of those unusual days this time of year..clear blue sky and enough warmth to make you think spring wasn't so far away.
It was also unusual because we had all our farm-boys home, Honorable Sons 1&2, the Keeper of the Flame, the Pied Piper, and the Farmer's Shadow.  The bigger boys had returned home for a day of woodcutting...a labor of love for their parents. The day went smoothly, the little Farm-boy Trio had the opportunity to keep up to the bigger brothers and they had great joy in working with the BIG BOYS.
The wood is stacked in neat rows, enough for the next few weeks.
Later that night we all sat down to dinner together.  No electronic devices, just home-cooked food, and home-cooked humor.  The dinner table was happy, the house was warm, and the parents were blessed.  A truly wonderful way to end the day.

Welcome the new Groundhog!

While Dear Farmer was preparing to do chores this afternoon he had the opportunity to witness a "waterbirth" by Yellow tag #1.  Of course, this first time mother would choose the day that it's raining, snowing, and icing all at once to give birth to a little calf in a sludge puddle.
Dear Farmer had to get the pair into the barn, which is quite the chore when the weather is as it was, and set up with water and hay.
Dear Farmer, calf and cow were all covered in sludge from head to toe(or hoof),but everyone's now in the barn dry and safe.
The Wife called the calf "Groundhog", appropriate for the day and because we've done this all before.

Farm-Boys Do Not Clean a Bedroom

Go ahead and tell the Wife all you want to about making boys clean their own bedrooms...it's nothing she hasn't told herself....however, the Farm-Boy Trio's bedroom was so BAD there was just no way she was going to ask for, require, or wanted their help. The bedroom needed an adult size heart of a prison guard, the adult size muscles, and a mother's love.
Just to give you a little taste of what the Wife has found in the Farm-Boys' bedroom in the past, here's the ugly side:

• a dead vole in a jar under a bed-pillow (which the Wife was told, it's not dead, it's just sleeping)
• molded chimichangas stuffed under the bed (when did we last eat chimichanga's???)
• hardened banana peels in the closet
• underwear worn by a boy who didn't make it to the bathroom soon enough...under the pile of clean clothes.
• dead worms (they assured the Wife they were dead and dried when they came into the room, it was a scientific discovery)

this is just a few...the ones that made it onto the short list....

What kind of mother are you? A mother who has happy healthy children, who had a disgusting bedroom.

So now the Wife gave the Farm-Boy Trio the choice, "You may go outside and play with your goats, or work next to me cleaning your disgusting bedroom."
The choice was unanimous to go outside.  And for the entire four hours that it took the Wife to clean the bedroom spotlessly wonderful, the Farm-Boy Trio played outside with their goats.  The goats loved the attention, the Wife loved the solace of peace while cleaning, and the Farm-Boy Trio loves the clean bedroom.  No disgusting discoveries were made during the cleaning this time...and once again the Wife is on the war path that the bedroom should NEVER look like that again!