The Great Egg Hunt

The chickens have abandoned the nesting boxes for "safer" housing...which happens to be the deck railing right outside the kitchen door.  (Side-note: do not use that door.  The Kirby Salesman found out why last night, as he stepped in fresh chicken poop and realized he was surrounded by sleeping chicken butts.  He didn't really try to sell us the vacuum after that.)  One of the results of this is the hunt for where the chickens are laying the eggs...because they aren't using the nesting boxes or the deck.  This summer children were finding eggs in the bushes, the goat pen, the tiger-lilies, and even on the driveway.  As the temperature has decreased, so have the number of places the chickens have been laying.  So the hunt was on!  Where were the chickens laying a dozen eggs a day???  The Wife had a treasure hunt list for the children to work off of, "Did you look in the: playhouse?garage?stroller?Burley?grill?4wheeler?3wheeler?little truck bed?big truck bed?...."
After a month of finding (maybe) one egg a day, the Keeper of the Flame(oldest of the Farm-boy Trio) came in with his shirt bulging! He did it!  He found a nest with three dozen eggs in it!  Ooooo....how long did he suppose they had been there?  So the eggs were tested using the sink/float method. Bad eggs are supposed to float, and good eggs are supposed to sink.  It's really not 100% accurate, but it gives a good idea of whether or not you want to crack one open.  These are the eggs that we put in the fridge and mark "Crack with caution".  Where did he find the nest?  In the middle of the hay-bales!
Now, in order to reach the eggs in the middle of the hay bales, one must meet certain criteria.  One must be shorter than four-feet, small enough to fit in a foot-and-a-half opening, not be claustrophobic, not be allergic to hay, and willing to squeeze into a small dark cave of hay in order to hand out chicken eggs....The Wife does not meet the criteria.  So, the Wife, should she desire eggs, must make the job of getting the eggs as desirable as she can. Not wishing that any of her children should be found on a couch in a fetal position explaining the deep-rooted reasons of their fear of scrambled eggs as the job they had as a child...the Wife must stay up-beat and positive about spelunking for eggs!
Promises of brownies for breakfast, cookies for snack, and french toast for dinner abounded and children volunteered to procure the eggs for the Wife!!!  Daily we have a dozen eggs, now.  How absolutely wonderful!!! The prize was so worth the hunt!

Feeding the Bulls

How do you make friends with a 1,600 lb. bull???  Remember the old saying, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."  It's true about bulls too.  Here's the story:
Dear Farmer and the Wife took the middle-five out to the pear tree and apple trees to see if there was anything to be picked.  We knew that if there was anything, it would be really high in the tree, so Dear Farmer strapped onto the front loader our "cage" for lifting people into the air via tractor.  And after we were all loaded into the "cage" he informed us that the trees that we were about to go picking on...that's where the bulls and steers have been hanging out.  Well, there were a few of us that were really glad we were in the "cage" and a couple that were a little leery about being there at all, and one that didn't care as long as he could ride in the "cage" and sing, "Higher!Higher!"
So Dear Farmer drove us all out to the fruit trees. And about as soon as we rounded the corner where we could smell the trees, there were six very large Beltie males. The males looked at us, in a "cage" on a tractor, and did not give the impression they were willing to have us join them in the pasture. They bellowed and snorted. Children who were leery about the bovine before, became nearly terrified. But Dear Farmer was anything but dissuaded from his mission. He continued on, raised the "cage" into the trees, and called out "Toss me some apples!" The Wife did, and Dear Farmer called the bulls by name, like a mother calls to a well-behaved child.  Up lumbered a combined total of 3,000 pounds of bulls, and Dear Farmer held out an apple to each. Lapping his hands like puppies the bulls ate the apples as fast as we could toss them to Dear Farmer.  It became quite comical. The joke was that the bulls were no longer swatting flies with their tails, the tails were wagging. Picking fruit became the secondary activity, feeding the bulls and steers the primary activity. We had to leave. The children were singing "good-bye"s to the bulls and steers, and we went home...Dear Farmer feeling very good about being friends with the biggest bulls on the block.

Dear Farmer's Broken Window

Dear Farmer is on the last hay-cutting of the season(YIPPEE!). Something that we are all excited for!  His last fields to cut are the really rocky ones.  They weren't so bad, until torrential downpours eroded the top of the hills and caused deep grooves going down into valleys. Now it's a real nightmare to cut.  The rocks ping around you the entire time as the mower hits them and throws them up in the air with no rhyme or reason.  Well, off Dear Farmer went, very grateful that his tractor is an enclosed cab and he has something(even if it was glass) between he and the rocks.
He broke numerous cutting blades, but he'd fix them, and continue cutting.  The rocks were pinging and pelting, but he continued cutting.  He counted the number of rocks that hit his cab windows.  Each time one hit he offered to God a prayer of thankfulness for the rock not hitting himself. 'One...two...three....'
At rock 'seven' he wondered,"How much more can this window take?"  It was rock 'eight' that answered that question.  Dear Farmer said it sounded like a gun-shot, and suddenly glass was everywhere!  Though the glass was all over, the rock still didn't hit Dear Farmer.  (The Wife is so grateful for the enclosed cab on the tractor!  Dear Farmer is grateful, too!)  That finished the hay cutting for the season.  Dear Farmer decided that if a rock could smash the tempered glass, he wasn't going to continue cutting and risk the next rock smashing his head just as hard.  (The Wife is so grateful that Dear Farmer didn't take the chance.)
So he drove home. The tractor can still be used to bale the hay, it'll be a little louder than usual, but all will be fine.  The dealership has been contacted and a new window ordered.
Dear Farmer drank a little more coffee than usual that night.  He said he nearly "greased his shorts" when he heard that sound and all the glass crashing around him.  But we Praise God it's just a broken window.

Girls' Day!

If the chores are done, and the boys are all gone, then the girls have the house to themselves...this makes it "Girls' Day".  What do girls do when left all alone???  First thing they do is clean up an area in the house.  This way they can pull out all the "girlie" stuff they want to in a clean location.  Nail polish and remover are the first things that come out, next is the movies(all the ones boys gag at), and lastly is the food.  Girls in this house have a need to have food whenever the boys are gone.  "Junk" food is okay, but usually it's more desirable to have fruit and dips.  We love our fruit!  Soon after area is clean, nails are painted, and movie has been watched there is a phone call from friends...can they come over and play for the afternoon?  So, the girls all leave the Wife and Itty-Farmer's Daughter to go play elsewhere.  What does the Wife do?  She puts the Itty-Farmer's Daughter down for a nap and sits down to read a book(while the apples cook down for saucing)...Ahhh.  THIS is such a relaxing day.

Boys' Day!

On Dear Farmer's one day that he's not cutting hay all week, he took his Farm-boy Trio out for the afternoon to the near-by "big city".  The Four of them went to all the manly stores...the local farm implement supply, the big tool supply store, and the bulk-buying store.  Of all the places they went, and all the things they saw, what do you suppose was the highlight?
"Mama!  Pop bought us each a BIG hot dog and a BIG soda!  I got to choose my own soda!!!  Look at my BIG cup!  I have a blue straw!  And I ate the WHOLE hot dog MYSELF!!!"
Dear Farmer was impressed.  It's not often that he takes out the Farm-boy Trio...let alone by himself.  Aside from the incredible fascination with every store's bathroom, and the fact that the each boy in the Trio has a bladder the size of a peanut and he had bought them each their own BIG soda...so they had to use each bathroom a few times while in the store, never all at the same time; the whole trip went well.  And that was Boys' Day!
Stay tuned for what the girls did while the boys were away....

The Wife vs. the Goat

Usually the children rotate through milking the goat.  There have been two times that the Wife has had to stand in for a child...in two years.  That mean that the Wife and the Goat are on wonderful terms, however the relationship only extends so far...milking isn't included.
This morning the Wife had to send the Farmer's Daughter off to the Stable at six o'clock in the morning and then transfer her to next job at eight o'clock.  At seven o'clock Dear Farmer asked the Wife "Who's milking?"  The answer should have been "The Farmer's Daughter."  But she was gone.  The answer was, instead, "I am."  With a frazzled thought and morning sneezing the Wife bundled up the Itty-Farmer's Daughter, plopped her in the backpack, and away we went to milk the Goat.
First thing, find the Goat.  The Wife and the Goat have a good relationship, one that centers around the Wife bringing the Goat food.  All the Wife needed to do was call the Goat's name.  The Goat, happily, came.
Second thing, get Goat onto milking stand.  A little more difficult.  The Goat, never having the Wife(really) milk her, was confused as to why she should stand on the milking stand for this woman???  A little coaxing, a lot of nudging, and some tomatoes from the garden...the Goat decided to stand on the milking stand.
Third thing, milk the Goat.  Surprisingly easy, except if ...you have a baby in the backpack on your back(well behaved, but becoming heavy),while you are leaning over to milk the Goat, and have cats that keep wanting to go swimming in the milk bucket...THAT'S where this got difficult.  One cat actually jumped on the rim of the bucket startling the Goat and the Wife, which made the Wife jump back, the Goat jump up, and the bucket tipped over.  One quart of milk and one cat gone.  Back to milking....
The Wife brought in one quart of milk to the house.  The Whiz Bang!  Farmer's Daughter said, "Is that it?"
The Wife mumbled something about having one less cat and departed back outside.  The Goat was standing at the barnyard gate(asking to be let out)...the Wife looked at the Goat.  The Goat looked at the Wife.  The Goat stayed in the barnyard and the Wife gave her water.  The Score is Wife:1 Goat:1, but the Wife maintains control of the game.

We live for the emergencies!

The Wives were talking and laughing about all the "emergencies" they have (respectively) had on farms this year.  The laughing was a sign that all the "emergencies" turned out well. In a sense you live from one "emergency" to the next. The down-time is just getting yourself prepared for the next "emergency"...and you anticipate it will be bigger than the last, otherwise you wonder if it was an "emergency" at all.
This morning the Wife and Farmer's Daughter nearly passed Dear Farmer and a neighbor on the side of the road. Thinking it was a neighborly chat, the Wife slowed the vehicle down to wave, and found the two men were corralling a bull-calf that had escaped the paddock.  The Wife did what the Wife has been taught to do: slow vehicle down and put on hazards, following behind the farmers so that the bull-calf wouldn't back-track.  The Farmer's Daughter jumped out of the vehicle and was the presence on the opposite side of the road, and the neighbor's wife ran around opening and closing gates as needed.  It was a team effort, and the bull-calf was back inside the pen all safe.  Dear Farmer assured the neighbor this was nothing, "I had all the steers and bulls out the other night at my place.  You should come over for coffee!"(See Country Hospitality Examples C & B)  The neighbor dropped by some cheese curds as a thank you...they were amazing!
Usually, in farming, what is an "emergency" to one isn't to another...there's nothing new to farmers.  We're doing the same thing that was done at the beginning of time:  raising animals, being stewards of the earth God created, and training the next generation to do the same.
It does seem at little odd, however, that this breed of person...farmers...who seem so dull and slow...they live for the excitement, the thrill, the "emergency"!

Hunting or Hunted?

There are only a handful of people that have been given permission to hunt on the farm property.  One of them is a gentleman who hunts for the trophy.  He's one of those die-hard, well-outfitted types.  He's not too fond of cows, or bulls, or steers...really, he's not fond of all bovine.  As we have about 120 head of bovine...he is frequently walking through them, around them, or past them, to get to his "spot". He's amazed how Dear Farmer walks through the cows talking to each one, even Dear Farmer's Little Farm-boys hop on the backs of the cows and not one seems to notice.  The Hunter, however, is timid.
On this particular day, The Hunter was heading out from one "spot" to the next "spot".  As he was crossing the field he noticed a cow following him, a little disconcerted-he went a tad faster.  She went a tad faster. He went faster still, until they were both at almost a full run!  The Hunter was close enough to the electric fence line and figured, "this is it!" diving to get under the electric line and on the other side.  Alas...he wasn't quite as small as he thought he was, and his rear end nailed the line as he went through.  ZAP!
Other than still being a little tingly, The Hunter's fine.  He's sure the cows have made sport of following him, now, anytime he's in the field a larger group takes after his direction.  So if you hear laughing coming our way...it may just be the cows, they're hunting hunters today.

We hear the cows!

We had a call while we were on vacation.  The voicemail message went like this: "We hear the cows!  We think they are in the field next door!"
Well...they weren't in the field next door to the person who had left the message....on a clear and crisp night in the country, sounds carry REALLY well.
This absence of light and noise isn't something you get outside when you are in town. Some nights its so dark you really cant see your hand in front of your face. Dear Farmer has actually walked into cows in the dark! When our enlarged family is at the Great Gathering at Photo-star Uncle's Celestial Acres we get the reminder "Bring your flashlights!"  There's no outdoor lights... you can really enjoy the stars, the children run around with glow wands so we can keep track of them, and the brilliance of the campfire light is awe-inspiring.
On a cool crisp night sound carries. We hear the coyotes running in the woods.  We have thought they were right next door, because we could hear them so well, but they were really a mile away.  There's a train that runs on tracks about five miles from our house, we can hear it at 10pm, 1am, 4am, and 6am.
So be careful if you're trying to carry on a private conversation at night in the country...you may be sharing with the whole neighborhood, and you can't even see them!

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...."

The song gets us in the mood, but no worries, it's not actually snowing here..yet.  As our Nordic-Friend friend keeps reminding us of the countdown...there's only ?? more weeks til it snows!  This means we're in WOOD MODE.  There's a lot of things to do on the farm getting ready for winter, but the top of the family's list is: WOOD.  We burn it for heat.  Yes, we are really sustainable people, but we're also burning wood for heat because we like the house at a mere 80F in the dead of winter...and we're cheap and won't pay that much for propane!  So, off to the woods we go to cut down the dead trees, clean up what's laying on the ground, and get in lots of fresh air and exercise!  It's the process of getting the wood that can be either exciting or a real drag.  The Pied Piper and Shadow of the Farmboy-Trio get the opportunity to put all their graffiti skills to work as they mark each dead tree with brilliant orange paint.  Behind them comes the Honorable Sons, Nordic-Friend, and Dear Farmer with chainsaws and a wood-spliter.  The Farmer's Daughters are in charge of the cleaning and stacking...driving the trailer back and forth with loaded wood and picking up all the dead stuff in the down-time.  It's a whole family affair. And from now until next year it will be happening once a week over here.

"You have cows in the road!"

The first thought when you hear a knock on your door at 9pm at night is "this isn't good".  Escalate that adrenaline when you hear the phrase, "Cows on the road!"  YIKES!  It was all hands on deck, and (thankfully) they all thought to throw clothing overtop jammies.  Being dark outside we needed one specific tool: a flashlight.  Dear Farmer raced outside to jump on the ATV (headlights!) and others were left inside to throw on footwear and find a flashlight(preferably one with batteries and working).  The Farmer's Daughter raced out, the Wife was still left looking for a flashlight, how did she find one so fast??? That girl couldn't find anything in a house to save her life(the barn's a totally different story)!  Then the Hausfrau Farmer's Daughter handed the secret weapon to the Wife...a phone.  Guess what all their new phones have on them? Flashlights!  Ah ha!  Figured out how the Farmer's Daughter found one so fast.  Out went the Wife.  The cows that were on the road were the money-making cows!  The bulls(breeding buddies) and five steers(going for market next month)...usually when boys get bored together they get in trouble, right?  I wonder which one of them had the bright idea of "car-tipping"?  It ended just how you'd expect, they got in trouble with the farmer.  As soon as they heard the ATV they looked a little sheepish at Dear Farmer and followed him back home...the rest of the night they sulked.  The adventure of stopping traffic was so much fun!

Job Security

Dear Farmer has it.  Fact of the matter is: around here no one can do "everything", but him.

The Wife has it.  Fact of the matter is: no one else wants it....here's the story...
In the past the Hausfrau Farmer's Daughter has fancied herself "practically perfect in every-way".  She's not actually too far off the mark, her faults are few.  Then again, she hasn't lived very long, or very much, so it's easy to be measured within a very small pond as a very big fish.  One of her admirable qualities is that she enjoys a mother's job.  All she wants to be, she says, is a mother.  {sigh} How sweet!  Her opportunity came this week as the Wife came down with a raging fever and was useless for five days.  The Hausfrau Farmer's Daughter was delighted to be told by Dear Farmer "You're in charge of the meals and the kitchen, keep it together."  Like the angels in heaven began to sing and the doors of glory opened whilst the light of divinity shone on her face, she felt something like that.  What started off as an angelic ideal began to turn into cruel reality.  By the end of the third day the Wife had a haggard and whining Hausfrau moaning "I'm not supposed to be a mom for twenty more years!"  The reality of the Chief Cook and Bottle Washer is that no one is ever perfectly satisfied, but it doesn't change the job.  You can't please everyone all the time.  And no matter how much you clean it-it's never going to stay that way permanently.  And I'm just talking about the kitchen and meals...
The Hausfrau Farmer's Daughter did an amazing job!  She made her own menu using everything we had in the kitchen, no shopping was needed.  She cleaned it, cooked it, and managed it.  She really did well. The other children really didn't need to stop and appreciate her job, because she did it so well, it varied little from the Wife being there.  But all these positives, when over-worked and tired, become negatives.  The sign of maturity is when we look at the glass "half-empty" and see it as beautiful and we choose to proclaim to the world it is "half-full".  The Hausfrau Farmer's Daughter isn't quite there yet.  She's asleep in bed...enjoying the fact that the Wife is better and awake.
The Wife is grateful that the Hausfrau had this opportunity.  Lessons lived are often better learned.  And it's nice to know that I have job security for another "twenty years"!