The Farmer's Daughters Are In Charge!

Dear Farmer had to leave the farm for a night.  It meant he wouldn't be home to do evening, morning, or afternoon chores.  He had to leave the Farmer's Daughter in charge of the chores.
The Farmer's Daughter was excited! Dear Farmer was leaving as the weather was warming up to a balmy 40F!!!  Chores are actually a whole lot more fun when the weather is warm and sunshiny.
Dear Farmer left the HausFrau Farmer's Daughter in charge of the kitchen.  Armed with four pounds of butter the HausFrau Farmer's Daughter had the "okay" to make anything she wanted!!!  Kitchen work is actually a whole lot more fun when the ingredients you want are being provided for you.
Dear Farmer left with the WhizBang!Farmer's Daughter.  She would be in charge of keeping him awake while he was driving, and entertainment while on the road.  She's very excited to have Dear Farmer all to herself for a full 24 hours.
There will be a day when the littlest Farmer's Daughters will be in charge...but that's not yet.  They are busy dancing like princesses and cuddling dollies.
Dear Farmer is just pleased to be able to hand over responsibility to these three daughters and know everything will be done just how it should be.

Preparing for Fabulous Uncle and Aunt To Come Into Town...

Checklist in preparation for Fabulous Uncle and Aunt's visit...

• clean Dear Farmer and Wife's bedroom with a black trash bag.
• vacuum bedroom and vent grates.
• remove cobwebs that have been turning hallway, stairwell, light fixtures into "haunted house" look.(Because if I leave them there small children will be scared to get out of bed and come to mine.  Well, it was worth a shot.)
• clean stairs(Smallest Farmer's Daughter painted them with nail polish.  She's a very abstract artist.)
• repaint stairwell and hallway(would you look at that, she didn't keep it to just the stairs...and nail polish remover removes paint.  Learn something new every day.)
•  Get the laundry under control...it's over flowing into the hallway.
• Change the bed-sheets.
• Make breakfasts to pull out in mornings(Who wants to cook in the morning?)
• Lecture children on manners.
• Remind children to load dishes into dishwasher as soon as they are done eating(So Fabulous Aunt doesn't spend the whole visit washing dishes by hand.)
• Plan out meals.  Really easy, child friendly meals.
• Make sure everyone knows their chores and jobs for the week.  
• Lecture children on not arguing with chores and jobs.
• Set out towels, washcloths, and soap for Fabulous Uncle and Aunt.
• Write note reminding them not to leave out soap or children might use it to make the slide "go faster!".
• Lecture children about not using soap to make the slide "go faster!"
• Pray the mud dries or freezes before Fabulous Uncle and Aunt get here!
• Be the first one to get hugs from Fabulous Uncle and Aunt!!!

Don't Use The Door Today!

The wind actually dictates what Dear Farmer does some days.  Today the temperature is warmer than usual which means Dear Farmer has been planning a whole bunch of "to-do"s that he hadn't been able to do during the freezing temps.  However, when he awoke this morning, he heard the wind.  Blowing at a constant
16 mph and with gusts up to 50 mph, it's going to be a "rather blustery day today".
This means there will be no:

• moving of hay in the fields 
• high limb-cutting work 
• climbing on the feed bins 
• placing of tarps  

The last time we had a blustery day Dear Farmer chose to work indoors fixing machinery.  That was a good idea.  The only hitch with the plan was getting in and out of the machine shed.  The service door is at such an angle that the wind glues the door shut.  In order to get out one must pull the door open with all one's might! Then hold the door open, skootch the body around to the outdoors, and then move out of the way quickly as the wind will catch the door and suck it back shut with a resounding "THWAK!".
The in and out plan was to work well as there would be few ins and outs.  But the first time the plan was in action...things did not go well.  Dear Farmer's hand did not move away from the inside edge of the door fast enough and the door slammed shut on Dear Farmer's index finger.  This is where we all say "ouch!".
This was not just a finger slammed in a door.
This was a finger crushed by a heavy metal service door at ??mph.  Dear Farmer knew this was not going to be good.
It took Dear Farmer a good couple minutes to pry the door open again and dislodge his finger from the doorway.  I won't continue to describe the feeling of blood oozing from inside his gloved hand, or the squishy feeling of a finger that isn't supposed to be squishy...Dear Farmer rushed inside the house yelling for the Wife.  We didn't remove the glove from the hand, but did rush to the ER.
Dear Farmer stayed conscious during the duration of the x-rays, shots, and sewing of the mangled digit.  He passed out after the adrenaline rush was gone.
The result of the door's violent attack is an index finger shorter than the rest.  An index finger that doesn't have the feeling that the rest of his fingers have.
And so we add to the list of things that cannot be done on a windy day:

• no using of doors.

I Bought My Love a Flock of Chickens and Ducks

So, you may have gotten the idea that around here gift giving is pretty practical.

Examples:
Birthday - Dear Farmer built a bed for the Wife
Anniversary - Dear Farmer and Wife give eachother goats
Birthday - The Wife gives Dear Farmer fence supplies
Christmas - The Parents give the children "bus tubs" for cleaning the dining room/kitchen

Yeah...it looks pretty bare bones around here....
ANYHOW... for Dear Farmer's upcoming birthday (June) this year, the Wife told him she'd like to buy him a flock of chickens and ducks.  The Wife has to give Dear Farmer this gift now, because he has to place his order to the hatchery so that the flock can be delivered by mid-spring...and then be able to be enjoyed by June.
The Wife told Dear Farmer he could choose what-ever he wanted...like a kid in a candy story, Dear Farmer's eyes widened and he started jumping up and down!  His very own flock!
He has been working hard pouring over the hatchery catalog, researching and pricing.  He's still undecided on everything he wants...but he's pretty set on laying chickens and a "straight run" of ducks.  (A "straight run" means that the hatchery just sends you little guys without looking for male or female parts.)
We've learned that ducks do a great job eating ticks, so the more ducks we have, the less ticks we have. Dear Farmer's theory is "Let those boys feast all year, and then we'll eat them!"
For the laying chickens Dear Farmer wants just female...obviously, THOSE are the ones that lay eggs...but a colorful flock, and no broody hens.
He's having fun with his birthday gift preparations...and the Wife is looking forward to all those eggs!
What other Wife can say, "I bought my love a flock of various foul for his birthday!"???
Anyone else?

The Thrill of Discovery!

Winter is a gigantic treasure hunt on the farm.  Things that were supposed to be put away the night before are covered by a white blanket of snow in the morning. Chickens are hiding in the hay bales to stay warm. Goats are burying themselves under hay to stay warm.  Dogs are burrowing bones and toys to keep away from chickens and goats who might want them.
Often through the day we use these opportunities to be treasure seekers. Sending the Farm-boy Trio to find the shovels...was it really an accident they were left out?  Perhaps they were hoping that the snow would make the shovels melt-away?  That glove that the HausFrau Farmer's Daughter let the puppy hold...he's now burrowed it away to insure she returns with him later.
But the absolutely most wonderful discovery is the EGGS!
As the cold gets colder our independent chickens like to hide their eggs, if they lay one. So eggs become like "gold".  There are many things that we simply won't make in the winter due to lack of eggs.  Eggs for breakfast is the first to go...Eggs in recipes are counted.  Happy are the days that we find more than four eggs!  Exciting are the days that we can have a full dozen in the fridge!
We talk about the days of having eggs as though they were years ago, with wars and children between them. Really...it was a short two months ago...
It is something that we look forward to returning to...the day we find TWO DOZEN EGGS!

The Goats are Messing Up the Barn

Dear Farmer is in the midst of a frustrating situation.  The Goats are being goats.
They are climbing his hay like mountains and while doing so, they are making a mess of the hay.
The Goats are jumping and romping up the steep cliffs of the bales as though it were nothing.  They bounce around like they have anti-gravity-hooves.  They are healthy, happy, and energized Goats.
Gone are the days of Dear Farmer having the barn all to himself, the hay remaining neatly stacked until he fed it...the Goats are terrorizing his solitude.  The Goats seem to have no concern for the neatness in the hay bales.
 Dear Farmer is aghast!
He comes inside at night shaking his head and moaning..."my hay.  they are wrecking my hay bales..."
The Wife looks at Dear Farmer.
She has two children hanging on either leg, snotty smiles and giggles.  She is holding a baby who needs a diaper change(again).  The living room is covered in legos and children. An art project is strewn out on the table with more children.  There is lots of activity inside the house.  Yelling, laughing, thumping activity. Happy and healthy, energized children.
The Wife offers to Dear Farmer, "I'll send the children out to the barn to help you clean up from the Goats."
 Dear Farmer actually looks around, at the Wife, at the house, at the children.
"No...I'll go clean it up later." , he says.
And Dear Farmer goes back out to his barn...and the Goats.  It's really not that bad of a mess down at the barn.

Dear Farmer is Getting New Glasses...or... The Family is Laughing Uncontrollably...

Dear Farmer, after not being able to read the small television screen, having to find the "sweet spot" while reading books, and his glasses breaking beyond repair...finally consented to going to the eye doctor.
The last eye appointment he had was three years ago.  Why doesn't he go every year?  Well, he doesn't like to spend the money...and they always prescribe him new lenses.  Hmmmm...being a farmer that NEEDS glasses to see...well,moving on...
So the Wife made Dear Farmer an appointment and sent him on his way.
Dear Farmer was impressed with the new technology the doctor had!  The doctor took a picture of his eyeball, and was very impressed with his healthy eyeballs!  Then he did the actual exam...
The doctor flashed up the first card...Dear Farmer squinted and squeezed, but he read the card.
The doctor told Dear Farmer,"Don't try so hard.  Just glance and read."
The doctor flashed the next card...Dear Farmer didn't squint or squeeze. Dear Farmer glanced up and read,"E, T, G, B, A."
The doctor's response: "You can't see it.  Those were numbers."
(Insert family rolling with laughter!!!)
The doctor asked Dear Farmer about farming, and fencing, and picked his brain on sheep pastures. The chatter softened the blow of reality...
Dear Farmer has a wonderful healthy eyeball that needs glasses...he now needs bi-focal glasses.
The glasses will cost more than before, but he'll see better than he used to! Once he gets used to those new-fangled progressive lenses.