Country Boys Go To Town

The Keeper of The Flame, The Pied Piper, and The Farmer's Shadow have all spent exactly four full weeks in town over the last eight weeks.  They had no choice, they were told to get in the car~so they went.  We are blessed to spend time in a town that desperately wants to be a suburb, but its not yet found a city to belong to. The town once resided in the country, and it seems to think it still does...but now that we live in a true country setting(okay, we think it is...we have to drive 40 minutes to get to a WalMart and our nearest neighbor is a mile away as the crow flies, isn't that true country?) we kinda chuckle.  This is a town.  A bonafide, curb-enhanced, paved, town.  Complete with two gas stations and four restaurants.

For boys who have only grown up in the country, and on a farm...coming into town is different.

First of all: no peeing outside. This is an actual issue.  Country boys are used to watering the tires.  Even some country girls can do it (I heard tell). But in town they will have NONE of it! So zip up those pants and wait until you're inside.

Secondly: Please don't flush the toilet for fun.  In town you have to pay for that water going out, and the water coming in!  

Safe-fun only: My country boys tend to be the knife tossing, hatchet wielding, hole digging kinda boys.  But in town...well...the police aren't so happy about eight year old knife throwing boys.  Especially when they think the best targets are the trees in the front yard, next to the road...

And though we have lived in a recreation of the WWI trench wars...we don't want to go back, so please leave the turf in place now.

"What CAN we do?" , they ask after the Wife has shot down any hope they had for outdoor fun.

"How about you build a fort with sticks for pine cones? You could make an obstacle course and time each other running through it. OR fold laundry!"

"What's the fun in any of that?", they ask.

I have no answer for them.

An hour later the Wife found this in the back yard....

Its definitely big enough for pine cones, a large dog, or an eight, ten and twelve year old...but they say they built it for the six, four and two year old (whatever).

And as a side note: this structure is NOT safe! Those logs are all stacked on top of each other. There's no stability at all.  The six, four and two year old did not get to play long in it, before a wall fell down and there were tears. Thankfully no cracked sculls.

"Girl" chores: we aren't gender neutral around here.  There are specific "boy" chores and "girl" chores on our farm. The boys do the hard work and heavy labor.  Basically, the nasty stuff the Wife doesn't want to have to do again.  Like cleaning the barn, stacking hay, and trimming goat feet. What on earth do boys do in town?  The Keeper of the Flame has cut the grass(which is the size of a postage stamp) twice! And I fear it's not going to come back it's so trimmed! The garbage has gone out of every room...hourly, every day, just to give the Pied Piper some work to do!  In a final act of desperation, the Wife gave the Farmer's Shadow a "girl" chore: unloading the dishwasher.  The poor boy, he's a sweetheart, he did it, but he nearly cried as he began putting away silverware.  The other two hid-I'm not sure if they were concerned that they might have to help, or just felt the Shadow's shame.  Since then, they have been folding laundry, loading dishwashers, washing pots and pans, vacuuming and sweeping. The house has never been so clean with ten people in it!

Country boys in town find trees to climb-usually in front of some poor lady who never heard of tree climbing children, or maybe had only read about them in a book and cannot believe that the Wife would permit her children to climb a tree in a public place.

Country boys end up on the roof of the garage. Or the house. Or have one on the garage roof and one on the house roof and begin sending signals back and forth using mirrors.

Country boys spend a LOT of time at the beach with a net and goggles trying to catch the elusive cat fish they imagine lives under the pier.  They find dead fish and dissect them in front of all the other children on the beach.  They get dark and dark-er tan.  

Country boys say "HI!" to every passer-by, and pet every dog.  They laugh loud and shout to each other when they walk down the sidewalk.

In the end...they will go back to the country and talk all winter about the fun they had.  When they were made to use the bathroom EVERY time they had to "go", when they build forts for little siblings, and they only had to do "girl chores". In the end, it will be a fond memory...when the Country boys went to town.

How would you like to live a hundred years ago?

Been missing us?  We've been missing you.
So, we found this amazing farmhouse! We moved in from the sock and the shoe, into this amazing farmhouse...and stepped back in time!  Was it a time-warp?
Nope.  It's called "Amish Country" by the locals.  Apparently, that's because we are surrounded by a Mennonite Community.

So, step back in time, it's a very interesting ride:
1.indoor plumbing(limited)
2.electricity(gee, no one knew the power had gone off in the storm...because everyone uses limited electricity!)
3.country hospitality--people around here are teaching us about this!
4.internet...nope.
5.neighbors...300+ acres away

When I talk to the Amazing Farm Wife(Grandma) she says that there are people that didn't like the look of the electric lines in the (nineteen) forties.  They thought that it destroyed the view of the countryside. Now there's wind-turbines that dot the countryside.
Here in "Amish Country" the locals take the changes of the modern-day in stride.  The farmers aren't using horses to plow, and the acreage well exceeds the hundred year old standard(one man to every one hundred acres).  But the life is hundred year old simple. 

For the past month we've eliminated the modern day from our thinking.  Outhouses, cooking over an open flame, and sleeping in the sweltering heat and storms.  It was good!  Going back to the simple reminds us how far we've come...and how much we've lost.

So here's how we're making this work now.  This farmhouse, this awesome hundred year old farmhouse, it's going to glow with the life we're giving it.  When it saw us coming, it might have cringed, but we're breathing the life back in it's old bones. 
Dear Farmer is jacking and bracing the old foundation.  Reinforcing and skim-coating.
Replacing the old roof shingles with metal roofing.
Connecting the limited electricity so we can plug in fans on sweltering nights, and use lights on gloomy days.
And Dear Farmer has the opportunity to learn about "French Drains"...which is so exciting to the Wife because she speaks French, though Dear Farmer doesn't believe that one has anything to do with the other...

Those modern-maids that the Wife loved so dearly...Mme.Dishwasher, Mr.World Wide Web, and that glorious babysitter "Netflix".  Those we've said good-bye to.  It's sad to see them go...but we'll survive without.
So, your blog posts will be less frequent, but the stories more full.
And Dear Farmer and family will still do what we do...
we hope you laugh and we hope that you sigh, when you think of those days far gone by.
How would you survive sleeping on bedrolls and walking creaky stairs?
How would you survive living a hundred years ago?

Jell-O: part of the Tapestry of Family

There is an art in the family that appears on the buffet line at every family gathering...the Jell-O.
In our family, the Jell-O rarely comes plain...there's always an additive.  The additive makes it stretch further, and gives it some sort of health(maybe). The Amazing Farm-Wife tells me she will only use a couple boxes of the gelatin concoction...so the additive is that much more important.
Here's the Jell-O's we know best:
Lime with cabbage shredded in
Lime with cottage cheese mixed in
Orange with cottage cheese mixed in
Orange and Lime both got carrots and sliced celery
Pineapple mixed in with just about any flavor

Our family has a special list of favorites, because there's people that we have had over for dinner that do not understand/like the wonderful taste of cabbage shredded into their Jell-O:
Raspberry with Raspberry Pie Filling
Peach with Peach Pie Filling
Blue with Blueberry Pie Filling
Strawberry with (did you guess it?) Fresh strawberries!

Old-timers remember Jell-O plain gelatin with veggies and hard boiled eggs in a wonderful visual display, but it takes a little getting used to for younger people...

Regardless how the Jell-O comes, it's always served with love, laughter, and a whole bunch of great people!

Threads of a Multi-Generational Family

There's lots of great things about being part of our big family.  But the Wife's favorite part is that there's a bunch of people!  Grandma, the Amazing FarmWife, had just left the arena of "mother of little children" when us older grandchildren were born.  Thus creating a multi-generational family setting for all of us to grow up in. The Wife was growing up with Aunts and Uncles, our Great-Grandmother was a presence in our daily lives.
It was always an adventure to go to Grandma's house...with her revolving door.  First one there got the beds!  As a younger child, I just prayed we'd be late, so I could sleep in the living room on the floor and listen to my mother and her siblings stay up late and laugh as they told stories!

 Three of the Wife's favorite movies are: Cheaper by the Dozen(1950 film), With Bells on their Toes(1952 film), and My Big Fat Greek Wedding(2002 film).
(The first two are books also, read the books!!! The movie, however, was good as well.)
The reason these were/are the Wife's favorites are because of the family situations, and close to real life!
When Frank Gilbreth, Sr. answers the question: are these all your children?  And he says, "Yes, they are, and it's NO PICNIC!" About him children are hooting and hollering...That's the Wife's life on a daily basis now...but I am sure the Amazing FarmWife had her own moments of chaos.
Films that mirror our own lives and give laughter to all the hard times we weren't laughing at; that's therapy.

Upcoming we have a wedding in the family...it's the first wedding in a long time. A family tradition is to compose a song to sing to the Bride and Groom, based on their favorite musical...a tradition that was started some twenty years ago.  The more family who comes to the wedding, the more singers there are.  Sometimes the crew has even had time for props and choreography.
We watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding with Uncle Photographer-he's all excited about another new family tradition: spitting on the bride.  All this time, we had no idea our family was so Greek!

The best parts of being in a large family are bunches and bunches of people!  In our family, that's bunches of laughter, bunches of love, and bunches of support in every and all situations.  All these threads, woven into a beautiful tapestry of Family.

Country Hospitality: Example E

Part of Country Hospitality is making sure that you don't care what the other person looks like...the Wife had just gotten out of her robe and thrown her hair helter-skelter(not suburb ready by any means, not even a lick of make-up on!) The neighbor was a little more polished than the Wife.  She had been to the store.
She lives down the road quite a way.
She drives past the farm everyday, saw that we were outside and thought, "Today is it! I'm stopping!"
So glad she did.
She grew up on a beef cattle ranch in N Dakota.  Where her oldest brother(who just turned 80) carries on.  His son, in his 60s is trying to convince his dad it might be time to take it a little slower.  At least, just ride the ATV, instead of the horses, to check the fence lines. She's the youngest of 12 children!  Most of them still live in N Dakota, she's one of the few who doesn't and misses being there with the family.
She made this comment, I think you'll love: "Farming works this way. You clock in when you're five and you clock out when you die."
She's right.  I gets in your blood.  The hardwork, the ethic, the appreciation, the smell of fresh air, the quiet of the breeze and sound of the grass.
It's a great place to raise a family, that's for sure!
Now her son, grown with a family of his own, raised on his parents small farm down the road-lives in town. Guess what he does every weekend?  Takes his children to the farm.  So they can grow up with a taste of what he grew up with, which is what she considered so important, with a taste of what her father considered the most important way to raise his family.
Apparently she's familiar with Country Hospitality...because she drove up in the driveway and popped out to have a chat.

Dear Farmer "Repurposes" The Wife's Furniture

Dear Farmer has built the Wife almost all her furniture.  Everything starts with scrap lumber from farm projects. The only things Dear Farmer hasn't built have been handed down to us by generations before(family heirlooms).  The coffee tables started as wood racks-which explains why they've been built with 2 x 12 boards.  The tops were the siding from the first barn he built.  Leftovers, cut to just the right size. Our bed started as the children's playtable...but built with the thought that four children(at that time) never fit around a small play table well, it needs to be big enough for all four...like the exact size of a king-size mattress.  As time marched on the playtable repurosed into the Wife's bed. Which Dear Farmer built her a frame for, that looks just like the fence that he built around the perimeter of the farm.(Check out blogpost 5/8/15 "Building, building, building")
So this leads us to the next repurposing of furniture...since we're moving what can we take apart and reuse elsewhere?  So far the list of furniture Dear Farmer can't touch is simply the list of heirloom furniture.  Everything else will be far game...
What will the bed frame become?
What will the coffee bar become?
Will the wood racks that became coffee tables become shelving or countertops next?
Will the boxes to store blankets, that became end tables, which now store toys stay the same, or change?

This is all very exciting!  Like getting a whole bunch of new gifts, a whole new furniture set of furniture!  And the Wife will be able to look at the countertop, or butcher block, or stud on the wall and tell a story of how "this plank was....and I always loved how Dear Farmer thought of each detail and each need we had, and filled it."
{Sigh} I love this Dear Farmer! What a guy!

Dear Farmer's Morning Call

It is slightly unusual that Dear Farmer will call from the barn.
If we get a phone call, it's usually not good.
"I need help!" is most often the message.
So when the phone rang this morning, the Wife shouted-"It's Pop!"-before she even answered.  Children began scurrying and searching for shoes.  The house was in general chaos.

On the other end, this is what we heard:
"There is the cutest baby goat down here!  He's about four hours old."

A hip-hooray from the children went the cheer, and out the door they flew!
Babies are the chocolate of the job, with whipping creame and a cherry on top!  Baby Goats are nearly the most adorable thing we have ever seen.  They even rank higher than baby ducks(which are pretty darned cute as well).
And so, the children rushed down to say "good morning" to our newest member of the farm family...Peppercorn.  And a hearty congrats to his mom, Cumin.

We don't mind these phone calls from the barn ONE BIT!

Multi-tasking...

There are a lot of things Dear Farmer can do.
Multi-tasking, however, should not be one of them.
Dear Farmer has a habit of working in his head on a project, "listening" to the Wife talk, all while actually working on another project.
Surely I exaggerate, you say? No.  I am totally serious.
The fact that he does this, and does it on a very (all too) frequent basis, can fool most people into thinking that he can do it well.
The Wife concedes...usually he does do it well.
EXCEPT!  Except if it is late at night.  Late at night and driving.  Not a good combination.

Example: Dear Farmer and the Wife were out on a date.  Another "hot date" to the local farm-implement store and lumber yard.  While in these locations the Wife had opportunity to think on the present "tiny house" project we have going.  Think and think...and then release on Dear Farmer.  The conversation on the ride home was lively and funny and insightful.  And un-knowingly to the Wife...Dear Farmer was building the ideas into the plans of the "tiny house" in his head.  He was measuring lengths and angles while the Wife continued on the conversation about wash-tubs and clothes lines...
Then it happened.
As we were driving down the highway, approaching our turn-off to home...Dear Farmer didn't slow.  At all.
Not even a little. And the turn was coming up really fast!
The Wife did a little yelp ("turn.").  He didn't respond.
The Wife did a little more forceful yelp ("Turn!").  He blinked and looked around bewildered.
The Wife got all out bossy ("TURN, NOW!").
 Dear Farmer finally responded, "WHY? WHERE ARE WE?!"
"At the ROAD we LIVE DOWN!", the Wife elaborated in a rather forceful voice.
Dear Farmer yanked the steering wheel, stomped on the brake and turned (not a delicate movement by any means).
"What were you DOING?!", the Wife laid into Dear Farmer.
Sheepishly, Dear Farmer responded..."I was working on the tiny house, and driving home from Illinois on a Sunday night."
So we could either say that Dear Farmer was multi-tasking...or displaying signs of early-onslaught dimensia.  We'll go with the multi-tasking.
Dear Farmer, being his wonderful multi-tasking self, was figuring out the gutter system for the tiny houses, thinking about his upcoming commute to see us at the family garden on the Illinois farm and then returning to the Northern Farm on a Sunday evening, all while talking with the Wife on our drive home from our "hot date".
But late night, the worlds in his head, and in reality clashed...and he almost missed the turn to home.

Lots of laughter, lots of elbowing, and some good chuckles from the Farmer's Daughters, the Nordic Ninja, and the Wife.
We love our Dear Farmer...even while he's multi-tasking.

Hey! They clean up pretty well!

Permit me a proud moment of bragging...because I have good cause, not bad character...

This past weekend the Wife had the pleasure of working at the Farmer's Daughters' Prom.  The Wife had the joy of shopping for dresses with the Farmer's Daughter and the Haus Frau Farmer's Daughter.  We looked at hairstyles, accessories, shoes...lots and lots of shoes...we talked logistics of time-frames and conversations with people-we-really-like versus other-people.  It was a pleasure to spend a month of planning and seeing the results of age, maturity, and life-experience.  We had a great time.  Then came the moment of truth...the Wife left the Farmer's Daughters with the beautician and went to the Prom location for set up and preparation.  Having already been briefed by the Haus Frau Farmer's Daughter on good photography-know-how(the Wife was the photographer #2 for the event)...the Wife was off and running!
It was between the pictures of the appetizer table and drink fountain table that the Wife was able to see the most beautiful girls in the event walk through the door.  The Farmer's Daughters, with their BFFs(who are also farm-girls) walked in like Greek Goddesses(a look I think they were pleased to have attained).  They floated on clouds, laughed liked music, and conversed with ease...making all in their presence feel like royalty. And all the Wife could think was, "They clean up pretty well!"
See, covered in the muck and damp from the rain.  In the middle of feeding a bottle to a calf, or hay to a horse, a farm-girl is pretty impressive.  It wasn't a charade for an evening.  They weren't playing a part.  They really are these beautiful Goddess looking ladies on a day-to-day basis, just cleaned up for the "Ball". They are beautiful on the inside as they muck stalls, wipe off grime and bend down to clean gooky-noses all out of love. Daily they are disheveled and dirty with no make up on...But when that farm-girl can get cleaned up and walk with the best-of-them(in high stiletto heels) in a situation so opposite from her day-to-day...THAT'S pretty impressive.

The Wife's Log: April 14, 2016

The day started like any other day. The Pied Piper was sent outside to milk the goat, he returned in the house fifteen minutes later whining that the goat was not cooperating.
The Farmer's Daughter had to leave for work, but went down to milk the goat for the brother instead.
Meanwhile, the Haus Frau Farmer's Daughter (who just had a birthday) madly was doing her own chores so she could go and enjoy her new kayak on the pond.
The Wife drove the Farmer's Daughter to work and sent the Farm-boy Trio out to help Dear Farmer finish preparations for the incoming 1000 chicks this morning.
The Haus Frau Farmer's Daughter finished her work and pleaded to go kayaking on the pond. She took with her the Pied Piper.  The Keeper of the Flame and WhizBang! were anxiously anticipating the soon-to-be chick delivery. It is always amazing how the Wife can find jobs for waiting people to do...they began a job and disappeared "under the radar"(which means the Wife doesn't see them again)...
Left alone in the house with the smallest Farmer's Daughters, the Wife tried desperately to get dressed and clean the kitchen from the onslaught of breakfast.  With three "helpers"...it was going slowly.
In walked the Farmer's Shadow, who had a cold for the past few days and couldn't manage to get up and collect eggs.  He had been feeling well enough to make a dime, and brought in three dozen eggs that he found. He began sorting through the hay in the egg basket for the eggs in the middle of the kitchen floor. Hay all over one's kitchen floor, does not make a cleaning process go faster or smoother.
While changing a diaper and giving orders to the egg sorter a faint "Mother? Mother?" is heard above the roar of life.  The Haus Frau Farmer's Daughter was back with the Pied Piper--both wet.  Apparently all of kayaking is fun, except for the part when the electronic device slides out of the back pocket and lands in the murky bottom of the farm-pond. Tears were shed over the device that she was sure kept her world revolving...but lesson learned:  Don't go kayaking with anything in your pockets.
During the tears, and before the laughter, the chicks came in. Out went the Keeper of the Flame and the WhizBang!Farmer's Daughter to settle them down in brooding houses with Dear Farmer.
Into the house whooshed the Farmer's Daughter with a friend for a lesson on the attachment of fake eyelashes.  Upstairs echoed giggling and laughter. Downstairs we were preparing for a (hopefully) early lunch. With four helpers making lunch, snitching ingredients, and generally causing chaos lunch did happen.  All were called with a whistle.
Downstairs whooshed the Farmer's Daughter with friend to the next appointment.
In came Dear Farmer...the 1000 chicks were short...by 800???  On the phone went Dear Farmer to find out where 800 chicks are peeping currently.  In came the children to snarf down food, all are excited about being next to try out the kayak.  The Youngest Farmer's Daughter Trio is just too small to kayak.  Great tragedy's of life are often solved by popcorn and a movie about a dancing British mouse.  Which works once again today!
Clean up in the kitchen goes much faster without help.
The Pepper Goat was arguing with the Garlic Goat, and the Garlic Goat snapped the Pepper Goat's neck. Tears shed over the loss of a pack-goat, but quickly recovered with another ride on a kayak.
The Nordic Ninja is over to replace headlights and tail-lights with Dear Farmer. The Farmer's Daughter whooshes back home to change into work clothes and whooshes out again to evening work.
No one can find the 800 missing chicks currently, they are somewhere in the USPS(where I am sure someone is going mad listening to unrelenting peeping). Dear Farmer is working to build and wire infastructure, while at the same time keeping the phone nearby in case he hears word of the chicks.
And now, onto those dinner preparations...at 6pm the whole family will be at the table, there will be laughter of the fun, remembering the losses, and encouragement that we can all do this again tomorrow.
This is an amazing world we live in!

The Careful Planning of a Tiny House...or...The Size of My Shoe

Dear Farmer promised to build the Wife a tiny house in lieu of tent camping this year out at the garden.  The Wife has always loved tiny houses, we first started in one(see article: The Movement We Never Abandoned 2/23/2016 ) and the thought of being able to go back into one is a dream come to reality.
But exactly how to build a tiny house for a family of...ahem...thirteen?
Start by checking out the regulations for building a tiny house on wheels.  For a family of thirteen to live in the tiny house for an entire summer and fall...that size is SO not happening. He would need to build three tiny houses...but as we do not have three trailers, three vehicles to pull trailers, or three drivers. We quickly eliminate the wheels and trailer.
Now we are looking at building tiny house on skids.  This way house can be moved from location to location on site which makes the house an option for more uses.  If no one is residing in it, the house can become a storage shed, a studio, or even a chicken coop.
The tiny house will have two doors, two windows(actual double hung windows) and sleeping spots enough for thirteen.

But what happens to all the stuff you need?
Let's talk needs:
Food
Water
Clothing
Shelter

Those are all our basic human needs. Past that it's all luxuries.

The Wife has every intention of giving each child the luxury of electricity, internet, plumbing, fans, heat, and a small space for individual trinkets/toys.
Clothing will be kept in a mobile trailer that we will need to power-wash to get the stink of animals out of(the goats had lived there for a time) and Dear Farmer has plans to make it into a "family closet".
So far as washing those clothes go...a Laundromat isn't so bad, and if the Wife gets desperate to have her arms get a good workout, there's the clothing plunger and wringer secured on a tub.  Old Fashioned has a time and a place.
Now Dear Farmer is in the process of drawing up the plan for the tiny house for the Wife.  He estimates the size to be 10 x 20.
I guess for the summer the Wife will be the "...little old lady who lived in a shoe, she had so many children she didn't know what to do...".  Perhaps, like the Gilbreth Family (Cheaper by the Dozen by Frank and Ernistine Gilbreth) we will have to name the tiny house "THE SHOE".

Dear Farmer Gets Comfy

When the day is done, and the work is at a point where Dear Farmer can sleep(because work is never actually done), Dear Farmer comes inside the house all excited.
The woodstove is still blazing, the weather outside is muddy and wet and cold (spring in the North! Yippee.), and Dear Farmer begins the process of getting comfy.
Aching joints and sore muscles get oiled. Bumps, bruises and nicks are identified and patched up. And then he sits down in front of the stove.
Off come the wet socks to be hung behind the stove, wool is a wonderful material!  It's kept his feet warm and dry all day!
Off comes the crocheted hat from the Farmer's Daughter (also wet), to be hung to dry.  He loves this hat! It's his favorite!
Off comes the flannel button down shirt. It's also dripping wet.  We make sure we take everything out of the pockets...the pens, the notebook, the index cards(his field and herd logs), and the immense amount of hay. Into the laundry it goes. He's now down to his T-shirt.  He goes and changes this for a dry and clean one for the rest of the evening.
And finally the pants come off. No, this is not a strip-tease!  The pants are covered in muck and mud, poop and hay, and don't forget the occasional egg that he's sat on accidentally while working on the chicken coop.
(Seriously, would you want your husband sitting around the house in these pants???)
To put everyone's mind at ease...he's wearing polar fleece PJ pants under his work pants, so he's not in his undies! So, the pants go into the wash as well.
And now, Dear Farmer is officially comfy.
With all the work clothes off, the house shoes on, lounging in a T-shirt and PJ pants...he's ready for some good conversation and coffee.
Sounds like it's time for some Country Hospitality!!!

This story is full of Bull

Dear Farmer had to take a bull to a friend for the summer.
The bull was not thrilled to take the ride, but the dog convinced him it would be better.
Dog yipping at his heels, he got in the trailer.
A long drive in nice weather.
The door was opened, the bull walked out, and everyone was happy ever after.

Around here, we spread bull around...but in the realistic sense.
So, here's the story:
The bull, Tuxedo, was purchased a few years ago from a dear friend, Ray-of-Sunshine.  Ever since Ray-of-Sunshine has said, "wow, I'd really love to have him back."
This year, Dear Farmer could make that happen.  So, Tux is spending the summer at Ray-of-Sunshine's farm.  Dear Farmer was so excited to be able to bless him.  The loading process was a little long.  Tux didn't really understand why he had to be going in the trailer...I'm sure he's realized that not all that go in the trailer come out.  So, Dear Farmer had to call the farm dog out to do her job, which she did great.  No one had to play dangerous games with a 1700lb bull...he ended up walking in(unhappy) into the trailer.  Six hours later, Tux was unloaded and Ray-of-Sunshine blessed us with beautiful handmade plaques out of barn-boards! They say, "Hope" "Love" and "Believe".  Then he made my favorite one: "Trust in God" ---that one's going on my tiny house!
So glad Tuxedo can reside there for a little while and everyone is safe!

Dear Farmer Places an Order Online

Dear Farmer is of the opinion that phones are for calling and talking to people...not texting, snap-chatting, insta-gram-ing, taking pictures, or reading on.
Dear Farmer likes to do business with a handshake...not bids, quotes or contracts.
Dear Farmer likes to buy things from a person...not the self-checkout, vending machine, or online.

These days aren't like the days when Dear Farmer was a boy.  Bread costs more than a nickle a loaf, gas costs more than ten cents a gallon, and there are some things you just order online.
"Back in my day..." Dear Farmer will begin a story, and the children groan.
"Pop! Get in the twenty-first century!", they say.  But that's not when Dear Farmer was born.
So, ordering online is a big "to-do" when Dear Farmer has to do it.  He only orders from companies that he's dealt with in the past...ones that have people on the other end.  Then spends hours "one-touch" typing in the desired items. It's so painful, none of us can watch him anymore.  He has to do it himself!
Then, after hours and hours of filling a cart....he calls in the Wife to checkout....
He has learned that the quick typing and quick clicking is un-nerving...so he usually tries to leave the room when it comes to checking out.  There are some times he has to be present for the orders because they need special instructions...he's usually found rubbing his head for the headache that comes on afterward.

No, these aren't the days that Dear Farmer grew up in.
It only takes two days to get something from an online order, he doesn't pay extra, and we don't have to wait at the mailbox for the delivery.
Pictures of animals are sent instantly from farmer to farmer with questions, concerns, or for sale.
Decisions take seconds, not weeks.
Modern machinery can do the work of three-hundred horses.
His tractor can do 45 mph on the road!

"Those Good Old Days", we remind Dear Farmer, "you still get to live.  You walk among your herd, hear the softness of the hay being munched during feeding, touch the tops of the grass as it begins to seed-head. You work in the beauty of creation every day! One afternoon ordering an automatic chicken door that's timed to close at night and open at the break of day(so that none of us have to do it)...that's really not that bad!"

Farmhouse Kite Instructions

On a blustery day this is how we entertain ourselves. (Don't forget to sing the song from "Mary Poppins"...let's go fly a kite!)

Supplies:
1 plastic shopping bag
1 length of yarn or string

Instructions:

1. Tie the length of yarn or string to the two handles of the bag.  They do not need to be tightly tied, a loose loop will work just fine.
2. Hold the end of your length of yarn or string at the opposite end of the handles.
3. Go outside into the wind and run.
4. See your "kite" blow up full of air.
5. If it is a very windy day, you can stand in one place while your "kite" flies in front of you.
6. Encourage children to run against the wind for a long time.
7. For extra fun, let go of the "kite" and see how far the wind takes it.  Then go and retrieve it.
8. Remember to discard the "kite" into the trash can when you are done.  Cows will die if they eat plastic shopping bags.

Buying Fencing...or...The Reason Dear Farmer Takes His Wife Shopping

So off to the local farm supply store Dear Farmer and the Wife go!  It's date-night!

On the list: goat oats, new collar for polar bear(she's chewed off the other), and...fencing.

About three seconds outside the store the Wife realizes...she forgot her phone at home.

"Ugh!", says Dear Farmer, "Why do you even HAVE a phone?!"(This is a mute argument, everyone knows Wives have phones so they can leave them where they are not.)

The Wife says to Dear Farmer, "Don't worry.  I'm a big girl! I can handle the farm supply store.  I'll get what I need for the goats and the polar bear and I'll meet you in the fencing supply."

And so off they separate.

Dear Farmer goes off to the fencing supply.

The Wife detours to the kitchen gadgets, then rounds the corner to the canning supplies, over to the shoes...boots...children's boots...looks for all the sizes for the children who are needing shoes, realizes the boots cost more than she is willing to spend...over to the clearance racks for clothing..., down past the baby clothes(that are so darn cute!  do we know anyone that is having a baby???), through all the garden supplies, checking out the seeds, meanders through the paint department(to grab some colors that she'll never get to paint, but wouldn't it be nice to dream), through the hunting section, over to the bikes, and the books, and the dog toys....picks up the collar for the polar bear, picks up the goats oats, and turns to the fencing...
where she finds Dear Farmer.

It's been an hour.

 Dear Farmer is staring at a computer screen.
This is where he's to order the fence.
There's no one around to help him work the computer.
 He looks at the Wife and growls, "I hate technology!  I've been messing with this screen and I can't get it to the stuff I want!"

The Wife has two choices: Do it herself or find an associate.
She opts for the associate.
Over one aisle she finds an associate and explains a farmer needs his help.
 He doesn't look surprised.

Dear Farmer tells the associate what he needs.  The associate finds it, makes the screen work just fine, asks Dear Farmer if there is anything else he can help him with, and prints out the needed papers for the check out.  Dear Farmer laughs with the associate about the "good ol' days" when a person spoke to another person and they handed them what they needed.  The associate smiles and nods, then walks away...Dear Farmer figures the associate must be about twelve, "Had no idea what I was talking about.", he says.

Dear Farmer and the Wife go to the check out.

The cashier checks them out, she's about twelve as well.
They hand the cashier cash.
She looks at Dear Farmer almost sympathetically as she asks if he would like to open a credit card with the store.
Dear Farmer replies a solid, "No."
The cashier has to inspect the bills, draw on them with a marker, and then the computer tells her exactly what change to hand back.
She didn't have to do any math.

Dear Farmer and the Wife drive away with everything on the list.  Most importantly the fencing...

On the way home the conversation is about how young everyone in looks these days, and how young the police officers are(do their mothers know they carry guns?!).  They laugh about the not having to do math, and the credit card offers.  They giggle about the computers that aren't Dear Farmer's friends.

It's the fun of the evening...it's the lighter side of a boring activity...it's life...Dear Farmer's life.

Waiting for the Rain

Every day, without fail, Dear Farmer is checking the weather. Using his instinct as a farmer, his skills as an untrained meteorological professional, and the ache in his sinus cavity: he interprets the various websites that predict weather, reads the forecast in the farmer's almanac, and watches the animals.

The old-saying is true...cows will lay down when it's going to rain.
The cows feel the change in the pressure system, and when it gets too heavy, they lay down(probably because of the throbbing headache...have you seen the size of a cows sinus cavity?).  So usually we see the cows lay down, and then they get up-move to high ground, and the rain starts.

The goats will smell the rain coming and run inside the barn.  Goats hate to get wet.

Our farm dogs will beg to come inside.  They are wimps when it comes to rain.  One of our dogs will hide in the hallway...the sound of the rain on the metal roof scares her.

Dear Farmer hasn't started to ache in a joint or "feel it in his bones"...but he does get it right more often than the weatherman.

Dear Farmer is used to this phone call...but not this ending.

"The cows are out!"
If I had a dollar for every time Dear Farmer got that phone call...I'd have thousands of dollars! And rain, snow, or shine.  During hay, startled awake, or driving...Dear Farmer drops everything and goes to call the "ladies" back to the fields of safety.
"The cows are out!"
At 10 pm when he just falls asleep.  At 4 in the morning.  While we're on a date.  When we're sitting down to dinner.
"The cows are out!"
Absolutely the worst time to hear that is when we're out of town....which is what happened this weekend.

Dear Farmer and the Wife attended the MOSES Conference.  It's the largest midwest organics conference, and the place where Dear Farmer isn't alone.  ALL the farmers have the same lifestyle.  ALL the farmers are in the same boat, doing the same paperwork, and needing some "atta-boy"-time.  This conference is that refreshment for all those farmers.  And the Wife?  Really, she was just along for the ride.  She went to the conference, heard the speakers, and came out patting Dear Farmer on the back("Look, Dear, you're not alone.").
After a wonderful weekend, on the trek home, we got the phone call.
"Pop! The cows are out!"
sigh.
(then the rest..)"Don't worry, Pop.  We got them back in ourselves.  Drive Safe!"

Wow!  What a blessing to have a family that knows how to do what you do!  A family that can pitch-hit without you, and appreciates you all the more.
Makes you feel like you did things well...makes Dear Farmer feel a tingly and happy inside.

#MOSES2016

Preparing for Fabulous Uncle and Aunt To Come Into Town...

Checklist in preparation for Fabulous Uncle and Aunt's visit...

• clean Dear Farmer and Wife's bedroom with a black trash bag.
• vacuum bedroom and vent grates.
• remove cobwebs that have been turning hallway, stairwell, light fixtures into "haunted house" look.(Because if I leave them there small children will be scared to get out of bed and come to mine.  Well, it was worth a shot.)
• clean stairs(Smallest Farmer's Daughter painted them with nail polish.  She's a very abstract artist.)
• repaint stairwell and hallway(would you look at that, she didn't keep it to just the stairs...and nail polish remover removes paint.  Learn something new every day.)
•  Get the laundry under control...it's over flowing into the hallway.
• Change the bed-sheets.
• Make breakfasts to pull out in mornings(Who wants to cook in the morning?)
• Lecture children on manners.
• Remind children to load dishes into dishwasher as soon as they are done eating(So Fabulous Aunt doesn't spend the whole visit washing dishes by hand.)
• Plan out meals.  Really easy, child friendly meals.
• Make sure everyone knows their chores and jobs for the week.  
• Lecture children on not arguing with chores and jobs.
• Set out towels, washcloths, and soap for Fabulous Uncle and Aunt.
• Write note reminding them not to leave out soap or children might use it to make the slide "go faster!".
• Lecture children about not using soap to make the slide "go faster!"
• Pray the mud dries or freezes before Fabulous Uncle and Aunt get here!
• Be the first one to get hugs from Fabulous Uncle and Aunt!!!

The Thrill of Discovery!

Winter is a gigantic treasure hunt on the farm.  Things that were supposed to be put away the night before are covered by a white blanket of snow in the morning. Chickens are hiding in the hay bales to stay warm. Goats are burying themselves under hay to stay warm.  Dogs are burrowing bones and toys to keep away from chickens and goats who might want them.
Often through the day we use these opportunities to be treasure seekers. Sending the Farm-boy Trio to find the shovels...was it really an accident they were left out?  Perhaps they were hoping that the snow would make the shovels melt-away?  That glove that the HausFrau Farmer's Daughter let the puppy hold...he's now burrowed it away to insure she returns with him later.
But the absolutely most wonderful discovery is the EGGS!
As the cold gets colder our independent chickens like to hide their eggs, if they lay one. So eggs become like "gold".  There are many things that we simply won't make in the winter due to lack of eggs.  Eggs for breakfast is the first to go...Eggs in recipes are counted.  Happy are the days that we find more than four eggs!  Exciting are the days that we can have a full dozen in the fridge!
We talk about the days of having eggs as though they were years ago, with wars and children between them. Really...it was a short two months ago...
It is something that we look forward to returning to...the day we find TWO DOZEN EGGS!