The Attack of the Sludge Monster!

The Pied Piper isn't the only one who has been battling the "SLUDGE MONSTER" (yes, the sludge has grown)...now it's Dear Farmer's turn.  Here's the story:
So Dear Farmer goes out to do chores and hears the cows bellerin' a storm.  Not really thinking too much of it, and writing off most of the noise to "them hormonal females" he feeds hay and feeds chickens, waters chickens, pets the dogs and trudges through the barnyard to turn off the hydrants for the stock-tanks.  There, near the stock tank, was a yearling bull-calf, stuck in the sludge.  Now, Dear Farmer was walking out to the stuck bull-calf when he realized two things.  One: The cows are all bellerin' looking right at him from on top the hill.  And two: Dear Farmer was sinking as he was walking, getting stuck in the sludge...the sludge was eating him!
Dear Farmer had heard of the Pied Piper and Wife's experience in the sludge, but had written it off to "that boy!".  Dear Farmer didn't realize that there was a real problem going on, the sludge had grown into a full Monster!!!  The river of sludge now encompassed the entire back of the barnyard, through the gate leading to the pasture and around the stock-tank.
The cows, however, realized full well that the low-ground where the stock-tank is wasn't safe.  Though I am sure they lectured that bull-calf, he thought he knew better, and they all watched the bull-calf getting stuck and stuck-er.  All the bellerin' was the cows just being mothers and telling that bull-calf, "You wouldn't be in this mess if you had listened to me!" and then the bellerin' was to Dear Farmer warning him of the danger.
Dear Farmer was stuck pretty well in that sludge, and pretty coated while he dislodged the bull-calf(who was very grateful he was getting saved). As he maneuvered out of the sludge he had plenty of time to look up at those cows on higher ground.  Dear Farmer formulated a plan.  If anyone is going to survive this crazy winter of non-frozen ground, drastic measures were going to be taken....Dear Farmer exited the barnyard and returned...armed with a chainsaw and wire cutters.  He walked the high ground right in the midst of those cows and fired up the chainsaw.  Then he cut away his beautiful oak fence that separated the barnyard from the pasture.  The cows were so happy to not have to stay in the barnyard anymore and happily trotted out the high ground to the pasture.
This story is a love story...Dear Farmer will rescue the helpless from the Sludge Monster!  He loves those cows so much he'll cut away a wooden fence that had blood, sweat and tears poured into it!
This story is a cautionary tale...do not build a barn in the low-lands.  Always build on high ground.
This story is vindication...the Pied Piper and the Wife did not do anything wrong in dealing with the Sludge Monster, it is a monster that even Dear Farmer has had to do battle with.   Beware of the Attack of the Sludge Monster!!!

Cows Go Take a Hike!

Due to Dear Farmer's excellent containment fencing-we haven't had cows get out in the road(also the front of the house) in a while.  No, instead they decided last night it would be nice to take a hike...ahem...in the back 40.  So, when Dear Farmer went out to do chores in the morning...he was missing about half his herd.
The call went out in the house for "all hands on deck!" and we sprung into action.
The Hausfrau Farmer's Daughter had to watch the house...clean up breakfast, make sure the walls didn't cave in.
The WhizBang!Farmer's Daughter had to watch children...dressed, chores getting done, and making sure they all stayed safe.
The Keeper of the Flame had to do his chores and take care of the animals at home.
Everyone else just had to obey the "biggers" in charge.
The Wife got all bundled to go out and help Dear Farmer.  The cows were back...Wa-a-ay back...out past the nearest neighbors and down almost to the next township.
Thankfully Dear Farmer's voice can carry pretty well on a crisp morning.  "Come On, Cows! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go!" , he shouted as he clapped. The cows heard that call eighty acres away and 'bellered response. They were on the move, the hike had to be made back home.
While Dear Farmer was calling and clapping the Wife took the farm-dog out for a "training session". The farm-dog was all excited to get to move the cattle around!  Farm-dog helps, be we usually lock her up when it's important to have the cows go where we NEED them to...because she's just not that good yet.  But this time, she did okay.  At first she was really careful and listened really well to us-but then she got cocky and tuned us out.
 All-in-all the hike home went well....the cows are back in the pasture, the house is still standing, the chores were done, the animals were cared for.  Just the beginning of the day....

The Feeding Frenzy

Dear Farmer has a feeding frenzy going on down at the barn, the cows are coming up for hay.  There's a hundred head coming at the hay bales and they are HUNGRY!
With the hay feeders set up at the barn and the water-tanks winterized, he's feeling pretty ready to endure another northern winter.
Dear Farmer pokes around while the herd jogs into positions, when he looks: the cows are butting eachother for primier positions at the hay, calves shoved into the feeders by the mob, and hooves sticking up in the air(cows were piling up on one another).  There was no discontent sounds, just happy-munching and snorting.  The winter feeding frenzy is in full swing! And Dear Farmer smiles, it is all good.

Tagged Calves and Castrated Bull-Calves, and nobody got hurt!

Yesterday was a five hour adrenaline rush!  After a week of fencing containment paddocks and wiring new electric lines on those fences, as well as setting up gates and panels---we were ready for pushing the entire herd through the squeeze shoot and dispersing them into the winter paddocks.  It was a grueling process.
Dear Farmer's job is to look over every bovine that comes in the shoot.  Are they healthy? Do they need a tag in the ear? Male or female? Castrate if needed. Dear Farmer shouts out the number of the animal and color tag to the Wife, who writes down everything Dear Farmer observed on that animal and the tag.  The tags are color organized.  Yellow tags mean: organic female, Blue tags mean: organic male, and White tags mean: non-organic breeding stock.
The Wife's other job is to pray for safety for Dear Farmer as he stands behind a bull and castrates.  It can get hairy(no pun intended).  Here we don't use knives for castration, so there's no shots, no knock-out drugs, and no second chances.  We use a Calbrate Bander, the most amazing device known to farmers and well worth the money spent!!!  It's a thousand times more humane as well!
And we castrate while the animals are on green grass, so there's no fear of infection because there's no messes!
The Farmer's Daughter runs the herd through the containment in into the shoot.  She had quite a time getting those little calves to do what she wanted.  But she was patient and used her knowledge of "energy" well. "Energy" isn't a new-age concept.  It's the force of your emotions and the positioning of your body that drives and animal to do what you want.  Sheep herders use "energy" when training their dogs.
Along with the Housefrau Farmer's Daughter keeping all the little people out of the way, and the Whiz Bang!Farmer's Daughter running back and forth from the Wife to the house for miscellaneous supplies-we had four other farmhands helping out.  Including the VeggieMan, the ChickenGuys, our Model Friend and the HerbGuru. They aren't usually working the cattle with us, but they did a great job filling the gaps.
In the past we have had Dear Farmer run over and stepped on, Dear Farmer kicked, Dear Farmer's Daughter kicked, people thrown, panels and gates beaten by angry cows, people fleeing over fences, and paperwork pooped on.  This year we had none of it! God heard the prayers of the Wife!!!
There's quite an adrenaline rush when working with cattle. It's such a big animal, and we are such little people!  There's people "whooping" and "whistling"!  The occasional yelling to a body to move one direction or another.  It's easy to see why cowboys do what they do, it's fun!  But at the end of the day...when the count was in...112 head of cattle...there's the largest sense of accomplishment.  It's like, no matter how bad Dear Farmer's body hurt, it was all worth it.  Everyone was safe, no one got hurt.  112 Head of cattle grazing contently in a field is a beautiful sight.
 

Feeding the Bulls

How do you make friends with a 1,600 lb. bull???  Remember the old saying, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."  It's true about bulls too.  Here's the story:
Dear Farmer and the Wife took the middle-five out to the pear tree and apple trees to see if there was anything to be picked.  We knew that if there was anything, it would be really high in the tree, so Dear Farmer strapped onto the front loader our "cage" for lifting people into the air via tractor.  And after we were all loaded into the "cage" he informed us that the trees that we were about to go picking on...that's where the bulls and steers have been hanging out.  Well, there were a few of us that were really glad we were in the "cage" and a couple that were a little leery about being there at all, and one that didn't care as long as he could ride in the "cage" and sing, "Higher!Higher!"
So Dear Farmer drove us all out to the fruit trees. And about as soon as we rounded the corner where we could smell the trees, there were six very large Beltie males. The males looked at us, in a "cage" on a tractor, and did not give the impression they were willing to have us join them in the pasture. They bellowed and snorted. Children who were leery about the bovine before, became nearly terrified. But Dear Farmer was anything but dissuaded from his mission. He continued on, raised the "cage" into the trees, and called out "Toss me some apples!" The Wife did, and Dear Farmer called the bulls by name, like a mother calls to a well-behaved child.  Up lumbered a combined total of 3,000 pounds of bulls, and Dear Farmer held out an apple to each. Lapping his hands like puppies the bulls ate the apples as fast as we could toss them to Dear Farmer.  It became quite comical. The joke was that the bulls were no longer swatting flies with their tails, the tails were wagging. Picking fruit became the secondary activity, feeding the bulls and steers the primary activity. We had to leave. The children were singing "good-bye"s to the bulls and steers, and we went home...Dear Farmer feeling very good about being friends with the biggest bulls on the block.

Hunting or Hunted?

There are only a handful of people that have been given permission to hunt on the farm property.  One of them is a gentleman who hunts for the trophy.  He's one of those die-hard, well-outfitted types.  He's not too fond of cows, or bulls, or steers...really, he's not fond of all bovine.  As we have about 120 head of bovine...he is frequently walking through them, around them, or past them, to get to his "spot". He's amazed how Dear Farmer walks through the cows talking to each one, even Dear Farmer's Little Farm-boys hop on the backs of the cows and not one seems to notice.  The Hunter, however, is timid.
On this particular day, The Hunter was heading out from one "spot" to the next "spot".  As he was crossing the field he noticed a cow following him, a little disconcerted-he went a tad faster.  She went a tad faster. He went faster still, until they were both at almost a full run!  The Hunter was close enough to the electric fence line and figured, "this is it!" diving to get under the electric line and on the other side.  Alas...he wasn't quite as small as he thought he was, and his rear end nailed the line as he went through.  ZAP!
Other than still being a little tingly, The Hunter's fine.  He's sure the cows have made sport of following him, now, anytime he's in the field a larger group takes after his direction.  So if you hear laughing coming our way...it may just be the cows, they're hunting hunters today.

"You have cows in the road!"

The first thought when you hear a knock on your door at 9pm at night is "this isn't good".  Escalate that adrenaline when you hear the phrase, "Cows on the road!"  YIKES!  It was all hands on deck, and (thankfully) they all thought to throw clothing overtop jammies.  Being dark outside we needed one specific tool: a flashlight.  Dear Farmer raced outside to jump on the ATV (headlights!) and others were left inside to throw on footwear and find a flashlight(preferably one with batteries and working).  The Farmer's Daughter raced out, the Wife was still left looking for a flashlight, how did she find one so fast??? That girl couldn't find anything in a house to save her life(the barn's a totally different story)!  Then the Hausfrau Farmer's Daughter handed the secret weapon to the Wife...a phone.  Guess what all their new phones have on them? Flashlights!  Ah ha!  Figured out how the Farmer's Daughter found one so fast.  Out went the Wife.  The cows that were on the road were the money-making cows!  The bulls(breeding buddies) and five steers(going for market next month)...usually when boys get bored together they get in trouble, right?  I wonder which one of them had the bright idea of "car-tipping"?  It ended just how you'd expect, they got in trouble with the farmer.  As soon as they heard the ATV they looked a little sheepish at Dear Farmer and followed him back home...the rest of the night they sulked.  The adventure of stopping traffic was so much fun!

A Saucy-FarmWife

It happens ever year in the beginning of apple-season, the Wife becomes "saucy".  She's gleaning apples from every tree around and cooking them down for applesauce, which happens to be a favorite staple around here.  The hard part, however, is getting to the apples before the cows and chickens.  So, it becomes a daily chore to glean windfall apples by the bucket full and cook them down for sauce.  Yummy!
Now, the Wife could preserve by canning the applesauce...and she has in the past.  But this year the Wife is just full-up on things to do, so she's freezing it in ice-cream buckets.  The freezer will the be happy, the shelves will be a little bare, but that's okay.  The family will eat the sauce however it comes to the table. The favorite sauces we'll make are: strawberry-applesauce, pear-applesauce and plain regular-applesauce.
Applesauce is a side-dish, an ingredient, and a treat.  We're keen on apples anyways-saucing is just one way to love them!

Sunday afternoon and Cows

Dear Farmer and the Wife spent four hours yesterday watering cows.  The cows have water-tanks filled by hoses off the hydrants, but the hoses failed and the tanks were dry.  A herd of mad, thirsty cattle is not the place you want to be on a Sunday afternoon, but there we were-getting cows water as fast as we could and in as many different ways as we could.  Farmers don't get weekends off.
While overseeing the pushing and shoving by the cattle, the Wife was able to get a little more experience being around the herd, and watched Dear Farmer and how he cares for these (ungrateful) cattle. The Wife did ask if she could be up on the tractor, instead of on the ground with the cattle...Dear Farmer said no.  Apparently Dear Farmer actually was USING the tractor, and the Wife would have just been up there because it looked like the safer place to be.  It really wasn't the safer place to be, it was just higher up.  The Wife watched the way the cattle bumped and jostled the tractor, Dear Farmer did not have an easy job!
 It was a long and dusty four hours, Dear Farmer and the Wife both had sweat and water mixed with dust and mud covering arms and necks, all over faces and in noses.  Ick!
"Did you catch the game?"  Nope.  No game could have been nearly as exciting as watering a hundred thirsty and mad cows.  Nope, we LIVE the game!  We're farmers.
 

"What kind of animal are those?" Dear Farmer answers..."Cows."

Understanding that there is a disconnect in society between the animal and the food that is eaten, Dear Farmer is more than patient with questions from customers...
"Where do the eggs come from if you don't have roosters?"
"How do you get the chickens to go in the coop at night?"
"When do the cows know it's time to birth?"
But the best was when we had a couple of visitors pull up in our driveway, a husband and wife.
They were having an argument, and waved us over to help them.  Dear Farmer and the Wife walked over to the car, pretty sure we were about to be giving them directions to somewhere else.
They were, however, arguing about what kind of animals were grazing in the fields.  The wife in the car said they were cows, the husband said they were pigs.
Now, there's a first. Even in city schoolbooks we thought they had pictures of the different animals...but apparently one of them hadn't paid attention. Dear Farmer, kindly answered, "Cows."  They thanked him and drove away.  Just in case anyone out there drives past our fields...we'll answer your questions, no matter how strange they may seem.  But we will publish the strangest ones we've ever heard in a story like this. {smile}

Comfortable

There is a blonde joke:

Two sisters each had a farm, one blonde, one brunette.
The brunette sister was using the blonde sister's bull.
His job was done, and she needed him gone.
The brunette sister only had enough money to send a one word telegram, thinking it out she decided to send this word "Comfortable".
Confused how the sister was going to understand what she needed to do from just this one word, the telegraph operator asked..."Why will she pick up her bull from that?"
The brunette sister replied, "She will need to sound out the long word slowly...Comm-forr-t-bull"

Don't get down on us for telling the joke, we're all blonde here, and it's a great lead in to what we just did...
We picked up a new bulls this week!  Currently we have two bulls, but a lot of cows.  Actually more cows than just two bulls can handle.  We needed a third bull and some new bloodlines.  We have a great friend down south who has great bulls.  He sold us two of his!
So, Dear Farmer and the Wife packed up the four youngest to ride in the truck with them to go down south and pick up the bulls. The trip took two days of driving and one overnight at a cousin's house.  Six of us riding in one truck for a total of eleven hours is really NOT comfortable, but it was fun!  The young children loved the adventure and the visiting with cousins!  The older children enjoyed the young children and parents being gone for a couple of days.  Peace and calm...then the chaos of life began new and fresh again!

When you separate the bulls from the steers...Observation from The Wife

Dear Farmer and the Farm-boy Trio love to talk "manly".  You know, "man"-things?  The Wife doesn't know all the specifics of "manly" conversations, but there's a lot of grunting and elbow jabbing.  Usually someone has to spit...very "manly".
Dear Farmer has a friend, Don-Cowboy, who is very manly.  He was an active US Army Ranger, no longer active duty, but always a Ranger.  He and Dear Farmer have "manly" conversations.  There is no place for the "faint-of-heart" in their farm-talk.  We have had Don-Cowboy and other Cowboys here to help us move cattle, but this time it was just Don-Cowboy who was helping us cut the bulls from the steers for breeding season.  Don-Cowboy is very sure of himself as he rides his horse around these thousand-plus pound bulls, and smaller steers.  The steers run around, and are skittish.  The bulls just walk.  Don-Cowboy's not messing around, he's on a mission, he's focused.  The Farm-boy Trio all looks up at Don-Cowboy as a man they respect.
Dear Farmer put it very well to them, "Boys", he said, "This isn't a big deal for Don-Cowboy, 'cause he's just "bull" telling those bulls what they're all gonna go do.  Because Don-Cowboy doesn't yell and scream at them, they have no problem following him.  He isn't afraid of them, he respects them and the danger in this job. Don-Cowboy's showing them this job is going to be done his way.  Your actions speak louder than your words."
The Wife concludes: in the end of all "manly" conversations, that must be what separates the bulls from the steers...when your actions line up with the words you would speak.  Your actions will be heard louder than your words.

The Cowboys are coming!

The farm here is divided by a road.  Not just any road, a commuter road.  It makes life interesting.

Especially interesting when you need to move 80+ head of cattle from the east fields to the west fields for grazing.  Guess what's between the east fields and west fields?  If you said, the road, you got it!
Usually Dear Farmer lets down the electric line and claps his hands and says,"Come on, ladies! Let's go!", and all the cows follow him.  But it's a little more hairy when you have an open road that you need the cows to cross before they get to the next field.  Who knows what one cow could decide to do?!
The eldest Farmer's Daughter works at a stable where cowboys board their horses.  When the cowboys found that Dear Farmer had cows, they were all excited.  They were thrilled when Dear Farmer said they could ride their horses among the herd, but their faces really lit up when Dear Farmer started talking about moving the herd across the road. All the possibilities of anything going wrong, all parties thought, could be solved if there were cowboys on horseback.   Aside from the great picture it makes(the Farmer's Daughter takes magnificent ones) it's actually very practical.  When a cow and a horse are together, the cow naturally will move away from the horse.  The horse is usually taller and more "in charge" than the cow.  (We are not talking about rodeos.) When a person ON a horse is among the cows, they will pretty much walk wherever they are told.  We move the cattle nice and slow (you don't want your meat running all day, makes for a tough steak) especially across the road, that's perfect.  Two cowboys flank the cows and stop traffic...and wow!  You should see traffic stop for a cowboy on a horse in the middle of the road!  Those cars don't even question or try to move around.  One cowboy moves the cattle across from behind and Dear Farmer stands in the front of the cows(on the other side of the road) clapping his hands and saying, "Come on, ladies! Let's go!"  It's definitely a team effort!  So far, everyone's doing the job great.  The Cowboys are happy.  Dear Farmer is happy.  And everything has gone fine.
Now when we prepare to move the herd across the road, we hear a little person excitedly shout, "The Cowboys are coming!"  And they do.

A Springtime Story about #241

Springtime can be full of answers.  Did we prepare well the winter before?  Where is the water going to run this rain?  How fast will the temperature warm/cool? Do we have enough hay?
Everyday Dear Farmer wakes up is a whole new day of questions to be answered. Our favorite question around here is: how many calves do we have?  If you have livestock, you know the joy of this already.  It is the daily count.  Of course, healthy mothers and healthy babies is the desired outcome.  Sometimes you find the sorrowful cow who dutifully watches guard over her cold-stillborn calf.  More often than not, around here, we have a cute healthy little one who is greeting us in the morning with milk dribble hanging from the chin-hairs, and a mother who is giving us the warning eye "don't come one step closer".  This is the favorite question asked at the table. The favorite story of the day.
(Story disclosure: our cow/calf operation is very natural. So imagine very little farmer intervention, and very little human socialization for the cattle.)
Today the story was about #241 and her calf (sex still unknown, untagged).
#241 is a Belted Galloway with a small portion of Holstein in her genes.  She's one of our "nastiest" cows, but she gives great looking calves!!!  When #241 isn't a nursing mother she's one of the cows that you'd think, "Don't think she likes me being here."  She's one that pushes the herd. So with some authority she has the right to not like you being in "her" pasture. #241 and Dear Farmer have a relationship that usually ends with both of them not being pleased with the other. This was the day Dear Farmer noticed a bright white belt and a tiny little body next to a proud new mama, away from the herd a safe distance.  At first, the joy overtaking him, Dear Farmer began to walk that-a-way to see the newborn and mother.  Until the mother noticed him coming.  With a glint in her eye and fire breathing out of her nostrils the mother bent her head down and began swaying it back and forth (this is the common language of bovine saying "not one step closer!"). Dear Farmer took note of the mother's stance and stopped.  But calmly stayed where he was.  However, the mother wanted him GONE, not just STILL.  And so, she began to walk, then jog, then run his way.  Dear Farmer, as she came closer, noticed exactly who it was! "It's#241!",  Dear Farmer yelled, as he took off for the other side of the fence and onto the tractor.  With Dear Farmer gone #241 was much happier and walked back to her calf. Dear Farmer's daughter (sitting on the tractor) laughed so hard she almost fell off the tractor. Still don't know what she had, male or female, but it is one great looking calf...as near as we can see.