How Cold Is It?

Ask Dear Farmer how cold it is and you'll likely hear:

"It's so cold my eye balls froze."

"It's so cold when we milk the goat it comes out as ice-cubes."

"Cold?  It's not cold.  It's just the absence of heat."

"It's cold enough the cows are eating all day and all night just to stay warm."

"It's so cold we can't get vehicles started."

"It's so cold my clothes froze to me while I was working."

"It's so cold we're going to be selling fresh frozen chickens."

"The dogs are pup-cicles."

In reality it's so cold that Dear Farmer's hat froze to his head while doing chores...that would be the downfall to having a bald head when being a farmer.
In reality it's so cold that Dear Farmer HAS to keep moving, so he doesn't begin to get frostbite.
In reality it's so cold the 1000 gallon stock tank has frozen solid (and full) overnight.
In reality it's so cold that the milk does freeze the moment it hits the bucket when we're milking, the eggs freeze in the nesting boxes if a chicken isn't sitting on them, and the cows have icicles hanging off their noses and chin whiskers.

How cold is it?  As cold as it usually gets here in the North.